How much effort do you put into becoming the woman you believe men desire?
For many women, it’s a significant amount. You invest time and energy into making yourself look attractive, and into projecting an image of being fun, engaging, cultured, and independent.
You invest a lot of time and energy into showcasing how well-suited you are for him and how great his future would be with you by his side. But despite all your efforts, it doesn’t seem to work.
Why? Why do you put in so much hard work, yet the man in your life either takes you for granted or doesn’t even seem to notice you?
It could be that he’s emotionally immature and unable to appreciate a good thing until it’s gone. But it could also be that you’ve been doing all the work for him, and not giving him a chance to take an active role in the relationship.
If He Doesn’t Work for Your Relationship, He Won’t Value It
Men tend to value things that they have to work hard to attain more.
For example, if a man is given a college diploma, he may not appreciate it as much as if he had to put in years of study and effort to earn it.
Similarly, if a man is given the perfect girlfriend, he may not value her as much as if he had to put in the effort to pursue and win her over.
This is why playing hard to get works.
However, as you may have already noticed, playing hard to get is not without its drawbacks.
This strategy stops being effective once the man has won you over. Once a man has decided that he’s won you, it’s almost as if he thinks the game is over.
He starts to lose interest and shifts his focus to the next challenge. Why does this happen and how can you prevent it from damaging your relationship?
It’s Not Just You — ALL Women Experience This (That’s Why They Ask for Help)
Many women resign themselves to the idea of never finding true love, and avoid getting too close to a man for fear of scaring him away. Others take a different approach and seek help.
Relationship coach James Bauer is one of the people they turn to for guidance. He has observed that a common issue among his clients is men who blow hot and cold. The relationship would be going well, and then suddenly, it’s like something changes overnight.
A man who was previously warm, affectionate and invested in the relationship would suddenly become distant.
He’d no longer have any time for her.
James Bauer noticed that his clients were complaining about men who suddenly became distant.
These men would stop smiling in greeting, avoid eye contact, and their kisses became perfunctory. Determined to help his clients, James set out to investigate the root cause of this behavior.
What he discovered was a pattern that made sense of everything. He came to understand why these men were pulling away, what they needed and what they were missing.
It was not due to any shortcomings on the part of these women but rather a concept he referred to as ‘The Hero Instinct’.
Unleash His Hero Instinct
One of the remarkable traits of women is their innate ability to care for others.
You are always there for your partner, taking care of him, making time for him, and willing to do anything for him.
However, in doing so, you may be unknowingly taking something away from him — his sense of purpose. Men desire to be the hero in the relationship, to protect and provide for the woman they love.
This is why they are fascinated by superhero comics and movies. Every man, from a young age, has dreamed of growing up to be a hero who saves the world and wins the girl.
But often in their everyday lives, they don’t get to fulfill this desire.
Give Him A Worthy Challenge
In the daily routine of their 9–5 jobs, men may not have the opportunity to act like superheroes.
They may not have the chance to save the world, but they can still strive to win over the girl. This requires confidence, charm, and resilience.
Men are looking for a woman who needs a hero, someone they can protect and provide for.
But do you see yourself as someone in need of a hero? It seems that you may not perceive yourself as someone who needs saving.
You’re strong. You’re independent.
You are a strong and self-sufficient woman. You can fix a leaky faucet, drive a stick shift and take care of yourself.
You don’t need a man to complete you, but you have a lot to offer one. You are generous, kind, loving and giving.
All you want is to find a man who is willing to appreciate and accept all that you have to give. However, you may have noticed that heroes are not showing up in your life and you’ve ended up with men who take from you and leave you feeling used.
If you want a hero, you need to actively seek one out. Here’s how you can do it.
3 Ways You Can Invite a Hero into Your Life, Starting Today
1. Ask a guy for help.
Seeking out a man’s help on certain tasks like buying a new computer, identifying a strange noise in your car or reaching something on a high shelf shows that you see him as someone capable of helping you.
And then showing your gratitude with a warm smile and appreciation. This does not make you seem needy, rather it implies that you have room in your life for a man to be involved and contribute.
2. Take pleasure in male company.
Men enjoy being with women who accept and appreciate them for who they are.
It’s okay if his apartment is decorated with sports memorabilia, if he dedicates a lot of time to his fantasy football team or if his standard for clean clothes is not as high as yours.
He is a man and it is natural for him to have these interests. You don’t need to change him to be more like you, as you already bring the feminine perspective to the relationship.
3. Let him earn your respect.
Men who have a hero instinct thrive on challenges. They don’t want an easy win, they want to work for it.
They don’t want your love to be handed to them without effort, they want to earn it. They crave the challenge of winning your admiration more than anything else.
Instead of putting in all the effort to win him over, give him the opportunity to prove himself to you. Allow him to take the lead and enjoy the pleasure of earning your admiration.
In conclusion, men don’t necessarily want the perfect woman, they want a woman who can tap into their innate desires and fulfill their secret obsession.
The idea of the perfect woman is a myth, what men truly desire is a woman who understands and can satisfy their emotional and psychological needs.
“His Secret Obsession” is a powerful tool that can help women understand and tap into the secret desires and emotional needs of men, which can lead to a deeper and more meaningful connection.
By learning about this concept, women can improve their relationships and create a strong bond with the men in their lives. This is a skill that can be acquired once and applied for the rest of one’s life.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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