You asked Coach Allana Pratt: I saw your answer about helping a woman stop fighting her with her ex-husband, what do you have for a woman who somehow seems to keep fighting with a man she “technically” dated (mostly just slept with), got knocked up by, and somehow fell in love with but he doesn’t feel the same about her? He doesn’t even acknowledge our kid and swears that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him? Every time I try to shut him out of my life, he pulls me back in, then we fight, then he blames me for his financial issues (because he has to pay child support). I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Lordy Lordy! You have quite the situation! So first let’s deal with your broken heart for him not loving you as you loved him. You’re not going to be able to stay calm, centered and empowered around him if that wound is still open. Learn to forgive, tend to the hurt one inside, be kind loving and appreciative of your value and cut the chords staying in reality that he is not your husband and you only hurt yourself by holding regret or resentment.
Next, did you get pregnant to trap him? Tell the truth. If you did, then own it. If you didn’t, then who cares what he thinks? You are not defined by other’s people’s opinions, unless you want to live your life suffering giving your power away.
I am concerned that your child’s father wants nothing to do with him, you will have to explain that in a neutral non judgmental way at some point my love.
What is it that he does that pulls you back in? If it’s not by gun point, then you’re actually CHOOSING to be pulled back in. Don’t give your power away love, own it. Part of you likes the fight. Why? To see if you’ll get back together? To continue to make him wrong? To make him wrong so that you don’t have to feel how much you’re beating yourself up for the situation?
Tell the truth and get clear. Honestly will set your heart free. Then there’s no need to push him away or be pulled back in. You’re neutral, no longer feeding off the drama to hide from feeling your feelings, letting them go and dropping into the freedom in your heart that is your birthright.
Be grateful for child support. I never got any. And now he’s coming after me for it. Be grateful for your child, many people can’t get pregnant. Be grateful for learning to let go and create the next phase of your glorious life with your child and one day, a noble man who honors the calm, centered empowered woman you’ve become.
Great love, Allana xoxo
A version of this post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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