He Was Waiting for Me in the Room and I Knew It Was a Trap

Let’s start here; what do you do when your partner is mad at you? or you’ve fought and you know very well that it’s your fault? Well for me I almost always apologize for my mistakes and find a way to make up for them but when my significant other wrongs me I don’t take it easy and I also don’t stand up for myself.

Recently I have been trying to take control of my life, understanding who I am, and also looking back at everything that has got me to where I am now including my choices. Since I was young I never learned to stand up for myself, feeling sorry and having other people’s pity was always my go-to. Life has a really hard way of teaching you things that your parents missed out on because when you are a grown-up nobody cares about you anymore even your parents don’t want your shit. You only have one choice which is to grow up and life won’t let you go until you do.

I wrote a post on how I had problems with my mother during my childhood which made me too insecure. I believed that no one in this world would ever love me for who I am but I have recently discovered that all I need is to know who I am and my strengths and to love myself, the rest follows. My insecurity made me look for love in many places and I finally found myself, someone, who clicked with my heart from the first time I saw him. The clicking led to us getting married when I was 18 and our first year together was somehow my best, I thought that God had heard my prayers and now there was someone who loved me.

No one can indeed love you until you love yourself. you must have a sense of self-worth and some level of self-esteem. I think until you see your worth you cant feel worthy of anything or anyone’s love, you can’t be satisfied because something is missing.

I got pregnant in our first year and in the second one there was a lot of transitioning to do which made me discover that my pregnancy distracted me from seeing a lot of things that were happening, maybe I focused more on my cravings. I wouldn’t say that my husband was a bad person, he treated me like a princess even though I had issues I didn’t know I had or how to deal with them.

…

We went on like that for four years, you can imagine living with a person who’s got baggage for that long and it turned out that he had his issues too. Two broken people living together while raising a child.

Photo by Christopher Ott on Unsplash

At some point in your life, you get tired of everything and want a fresh start and not answers. When I got to this point, it was the beginning of me! The happy me that can see every mistake I made, make the right decisions, and appreciate the person I am. The person I was, was amazing too she just didn’t know her worth.

So I got tired of not being me and I became crazy, I wanted to know what was inside me, I wanted to feel it and who’s better to vent the craziness on than my sweet husband?. He got it this time, we even had a quarrel in front of people and for the first time, I was not afraid of anyone or anything my confidence rocketed to 100%, I didn’t want anyone’s pity anymore. To be honest I’ve never felt better In my life and from that day I knew that I don’t have to fear anything in this world, Only God.

So my husband wronged me and I wanted to exercise my duty of standing up for myself, he rarely apologizes and this time he had to or his life was going to be one living hell. He was my first victim and he got it right, he apologized within the first 24 hours but I didn’t let him have it so easily because he was going to repeat it. For a week our house was like no one lived there anymore. I don’t know if you’ve discovered it but when your mother’s angry no one is at peace in that house, not even a single smile. Now that was us.

Here’s the catch; After the one week was over I was dying to be in his arms again and the moment I gave in, he didn’t waste any time. I came out of the bathroom and he was there waiting…. We all know what happened and if you don’t please subscribe to my stories and I’ll tell you more.

One important lesson is that once you get hold of your guard don’t let it down.

…

Become a Medium member today through my special link and read more stories from me.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***