Here Are 4 Reasons Why You’ll Continue To Be Cheated On

Oh, the stories on the grapevines about how horrible cheating partners are!

But what if people who cheat aren’t as bad as we make them out to be?

What if they’re just humans who are fed up with stale relationships?

What if they want someone who makes them feel desired?

What if circumstances make them take their business elsewhere?

To be clear, I’m not paving a path for people to cheat. I think people who cheat lack the courage to go out and get what they want in with the lights on, so they steal in the darkness.

If you’re no longer feeling someone, and you think you’re wasting each other’s time, step into your big shoes and say it. There’s so much respect to be gained from saying things that need to be said even if they are unpleasant.

Having said that, though, partners who get cheated on aren’t as innocent as they appear. If you’re not able to hold your partner’s attention, you might want to reconsider pointing fingers. Because, at some point, it’s on you, darling.

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You Have Nothing Going for You.

It never stops baffling me why people think marriage is the end all be all. And women are the biggest culprits on this. Ask any woman to show you a picture of who they were before getting hitched, and you’ll be shocked at how different they are now.

While aging is unavoidable, weight gain, laziness, and unsexiness are not — no matter how many children one has.

It’s not just the weight gain though. It’s the fizzling out of the get-up-and-go attitude. Suddenly they’re content with the mundane life because they no longer have to work so hard on themselves or their purpose now because well… they’ve got the guy. Who needs to keep trying hard anymore?

Any time you lower your standards, your lover looks at you differently. It doesn’t matter how much love they have for you deep down, humans are capable of changing. Fact.

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Of course, not all women resign after marriage, but a good number does. Sad. Why are we then surprised when our men start losing interest? There’s something attractive about a woman who’s headed somewhere in life. One who gets up early to do her thing.

My son says his friends’ moms get up at 8 am and head straight to the lobby for a smoke. Show me a man who’ll want to be with this kind of woman. Exactly.

It’s so easy to get bored with someone even if you think yours is a match made in heaven and delivered with a red bow.

To be clear, I’ve seen men like these too, content to sit and do nothing because the woman brings home the bacon. And yes, marital roles have changed. Men are feeling okay changing diapers all day when their ladies strut across conference rooms and make PowerPoint presentations. If that works in your marriage, you do you.

For most of us, it doesn’t. But in having this arrangement, we’re dropping the ball as women and then wondering why we’re getting cheated on. If you’re a lady reading this, ask yourself if you’re working on yourself or something that’s yours. Are you on your toes, or are you content to retreat to the shadows?

Don’t be surprised when your dude is attracted to other women who are up there competing with him and doing their thing because they see themselves as his equal.

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You Fail To Meet Your Partner’s Sexual Desire.

Far too many people say that sex is overrated. It’s not.

Yes, the act self can be done with anyone even without an emotional connection. Then everyone would get back to their business as if nothing had ever happened.

But, do not underestimate the power of sexual desire. It’s so strong and relents until it’s catered to. A hungry monster that doesn’t stop chasing until it gets fed.

It doesn’t matter how tired you are, whether or not you’re in the mood or whether the kids need to be fed. If you do not satisfy your lover’s sexual desire, they’ll get it elsewhere. It’s as true for women as it is for men.

Over time, people in relationships think that sex is just part and parcel of the marriage, that it should go with the flow just like other marital responsibilities.

It’s not.

It’s an entity by itself which you need to devote yourself to constantly. Meeting your partner’s sexual desire makes you bond, which increases your chances of staying faithful to each other and makes both of you feel confident with yourself.

Bonus points to having great sex before going to work. It’s the ultimate stress reliever. People have been seen to glow because they’re having some.

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You’re Running a One-Man Show.

Look, as much as we may hate this, the ugly truth is that lovers are like babies; they need constant nurturing. They want to be heard and seen. This is why marriage isn’t for everyone. Most people will be so much happier with their dogs.

Because in the event that your lover is feeling lost in the relationship, they’ll not only check out emotionally, but they’ll make themselves available for whoever makes them feel a pulse.

Too many people are in marriages where they’re always the ones putting in all the effort. They aren’t up to date on what’s happening in the home. They no longer feel like a priority and feel far from appreciated.

Emotional neglect is more common in relationships than we think, and it often morphs into loneliness.

When people are left alone too long, eventually they find toys to play with. And once they get the thrill of the newest shiny object, they can’t help but go back for it a few more times.

Maybe don’t spend your entire weekend with your mates. Maybe take a walk a few times a week with your lover.

Maybe switch off that show and have a real, actual conversation with your lover. Remember those days when we just sat and talked? Yes, that kind of talk.

You’ll be surprised how quickly intimacy can spring back to life even with the littlest effort.

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The Love Is Long Dead.

This one is sad.

Because in the end, you can’t do much if somebody doesn’t want to be with you. You’ll meet so many people who’ll not return your love no matter how hard you try. You’ll meet others who’ll not love you the way you want to be loved because they don’t know how to, and others will be too selfish to love anyone but themselves.

We like to believe in the forever fairytale, but it doesn’t exist.

Otherwise, why do we have breakups? Why are so many ladies washing their hands from dating? But as someone who still believes in love, I think it’s best to go all-in but also allow the space for the unexpected.

And when the cyclone makes landfall, the key isn’t to stay there like a hopeless case. It’s to remind yourself that there are so many people who’d love to be with you if given a chance. Then go make yourself available for them.

You’ve probably seen people who are always meeting new lovers. Getting into a relationship soon after another is done. And while this may not be the best strategy, you can’t deny the self-confidence these guys have.

I love the “onto the next attitude” because it ensures they don’t like their wounds one second longer than they need to.

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Let’s face it; people have always cheated. People have always been cheated on. Heck, even Beyoncé was cheated on. Freaking Beyoncé! And they aren’t about to stop anytime soon.

But, if you’re doing these things, now you know where you’re failing. Hopefully, you can begin to reverse the pattern. Good luck.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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