ModPrimate’s Chris Menning doesn’t think The Friend Zone is an altogether bad concept.
In this great breakdown of the pitfalls and perils of The Friend Zone, Menning illustrates the proper (and improper) ways people can handle being Friend Zoned with an awesome Buffy the Vampire Slayer analogy.
What do you think? Is Menning right on?
I, personally, have never had issues dealing with the friend zone. A simple, “thank you, but I am not interested” and I go about my merry way.
Brilliant! And nicely said! No hurt feelings to anybody…!
I don’t think that there is always only the danger of entitlement on one side of the so-called ‘friendzone’. Some people feel entitled to disproportionate attention, company, and affirmation from others and will exploit the fact that someone with romantic interest in them will give them these things very readily. They can string people along, without intending to reciprocate their interest at any point, but preferring not to clarify things too much either, as they don’t want to lose the ego boost and/or source of attention. Such a person doesn’t really want a friend, so much as someone who continually… Read more »
However, that’s a risk we always take when we give to someone else. There is always a chance that the other person won’t reciprocate. It’s a learning process for everyone and feeling entitled or bitter is least likely to help you internalize that learning in a healthy way.
If this is so, why do women expect (and get) sympathy when they have sex with a guy thinking he wants a relationship and feel “used” when he doesn’t? Why aren’t women in such situations accused of feeling “entitled” to relationships, commitment, fidelity, etc? Shouldn’t they understand that there’s always a risk the other person won’t reciprocate, and that it’s a learning process?
Drew, if you are completely serious, women (and men) receive sympathy when they’re treated like one-night-stands because in most cases, they were lead to believe that they mutually wanted a relationship. There are examples right there in BtVS. For all intents and purposes, Buffy & Parker were dating, but once she slept with him, thinking it was just furthering their relationship, he told her he had assumed they were just having some fun. Another example would be Xander & Faith. It’s slightly different because they weren’t in a previous relationship, but it was Xander’s first time, so of course he… Read more »
i’m pretty sure it’s a mistake to assume any particular outcome, unless it is explicitly agreed upon – one-night stand, relationship building or otherwise… 🙂
Yeah, I think Chris does speak to that. It hurts, and he warns the “Buffy” in the situation to be careful and understanding of the friend. There are assholes who will take advantage of anybody they can. That isn’t a male or female trait, and it isn’t a result of anything other than people being assholes. BUT that isn’t the same as someone being friends only, and the FZ’d person being mad. I see that happen so much. “How could you lead me on?” when the Buffy (or Zander) in the situation really genuinely just thought they were friends. That’s… Read more »
Um… Didnt Willow wish Buffy out of existence? I’d call that lashing out.
You can’t count anything Willow did when she had black hair as actually being “WIllow”.
I thought that was Cordelia (ifyou are referring to the wish that Buffy never came to Sunnydale)