The GMP Editors were asked and they answered. What do you think?
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Aleasa Word, Raising Boys:
I wish we could completely destroy the myth that men can take anything we throw at them emotionally as if they don’t possess feelings or vulnerabilities. My clients come to me tired of putting up the “it doesn’t bother me” front when inside, they are screaming.
The idea that “boys will be boys” includes this half-baked notion that all men are constantly sexually available dismisses the importance and validity of male sexual consent.
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The concept that all men always want sex. The effects of this stereotype are so far reaching that it’s almost impossible to summarize it in a couple of paragraphs.
Because of this stereotype, male rape is questioned and considered a laughable concept to many. Because of this stereotype, female partners feel undesirable and confused when their boyfriend/spouse says that they’re not in the mood. Because of this stereotype, men feel insecure and inadequate when they can’t get an erection at the drop of a hat and have sex with their partners whenever they snap their fingers.
The idea that “boys will be boys” includes this half-baked notion that all men are constantly sexually available dismisses the importance and validity of male sexual consent. It takes men from a responsible and intentional group of individuals and minimizes them to a largely-barbaric monolith that are led around by their pesky penises.
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I would want to forever eradicate and thoroughly bust the stereotype that men who choose to teach elementary aged students (K-5) must be either homosexual or some sort of sexual predator. There is such a void for male teachers at this age level, and while I have no idea if this plays any role in men actually pursuing this profession, it certainly doesn’t help our men feel confident or comfortable when showing healthy connection with students.
We abuse our boys and men by limiting their emotional expression, then we wonder why they abuse themselves and others.
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If only we could recognize that there is no emotion women experience that men do not experience in equal measure. Men feel grief and compassion, melancholy and euphoria. Men get giddy with joy and they wallow in despair. Anything women can feel, men can feel as well. Or better.
But from infancy we ask them to be gender appropriate about the feelings they express. Pride? You bet. Anger? It’s “a guy thing.” Competitiveness? Where would men be without it? But boys who express grief are told to “man up.” Boys who feel victimized are taught to get even. And boys who show compassion are told that “nice guys finish last.”
So they transmute their emotions into something they’re allowed to express. Anger primarily, but greed, pride, vengefullness and aggressive competition are all “male appropriate” expressions of strong emotion. We abuse our boys and men by limiting their emotional expression, then we wonder why they abuse themselves and others.
Maybe, just maybe, if we showed the guys the same support and sympathy we show our girls we’d get that “kinder, gentler world” we say we’re looking for.
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What do you think? If we could bust one stereotype about men to have the most impact, what is it and why? Join the conversation in the comments section.
Have more to say? Email Heather Gray at [email protected] with your own post on the subject.
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Photo: Tony Alter/ Flickr
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I think the stereotype about men that we most need to bust is that men (particularly those who are masculine) are predators and criminals who need to be monitored and controlled, rather than valuable beings who should to be loved and respected. We need to stop stereotyping men as abusers, rapists, harassers, and oppressors. Perhaps then we could start seeing masculinity in men as a virtue, rather than a vice, and fully recognize men as fellow human beings, loving boyfriends, protective husbands, helpful coworkers, and valuable leaders.
Many women have great respect for men who express their sensitivity and have an appreciation of “cultural” activities, such as going to the theater, visiting art museums, going to orchestra concerts, the opera–even to the ballet. A man who can feel comfortable in any circumstances is the manliest type of man, in my opinion. I don’t know how men make each other feel, but if a man were to ask most women, I think that they would find that to many women find nothing more attractive than a man who displays his sensitivity and the full range of emotions. I… Read more »
Since I didn’t send this in soon enough to make the article – my two-cents-worth. Maybe a little more personal than generic! Comment about male stereotypes. My input would be something along these lines. Macho man? Hardly! Yes, I like sports, I like fast cars, I like bass thumping rock and roll, I like the adrenaline rush and thrill (and fear) created by stepping “out on the edge of the cliff” physically. I have been accused of walking like a “jock”, even at the mature age of 48. Do I fit the stereotype of Macho Man? I suppose on the… Read more »
Being a macho man and having good taste, strong emotions, and a soft heart should NOT be considered contradictory!
Great, beautiful comments.
*applause*
<3 <3 <3
^_^
For my answer, I can't really do any better than quote Dixie:
Thanks- so let’s stop it shall we? I wish it were that simple. But it IS worth the effort.
That’s no excuse. So because they couldn’t show their emotions they just become angry insideand become thos crazy, possivive, abuser?decided to become an abuser? And treat their spouse as a punching bag? There is no excuse for that type of behaviour.