A man asks Eli and Josie how to ask a famous woman for a date without seeming like a groupie.
Dear Sexes: There is this girl I’ve met locally, and she just so happens to be an independant singer-songwriter. I met and talked with her on three separate occasions over this past year. We’ve gotten to generally know a lot of each other, and we have similar interests and things in common, and we’re both young (20s). Of course, I am a fan of her work, but I’m interested in dating her and possibly forming a relationship—not because she’s in the limelight, but for what I like about her, herself. I don’t know what she thinks of me; if she’s also interested, or if I’m just one fan out of the thousand that she’s being nice to.
So, am I an obsessed fan that’s over my head, or is it really possible for it to happen? How should I go about it?
She Said: I hate to sound trite, but the only way to know if she likes you is to ask her out. What’s the worst that can happen? She says no. That sucks for a little bit, but you get over it.
Here’s how you do it: If you know she’s going to be in town, you say, “Hey when you’re in town do you want to grab lunch or dinner at some point?” It’s that easy. If she says yes, have a plan. Tell her you’d love to take her to such-and-such, but be open if she is up for something different.
As far as asking anyone out, don’t do it in front of a bunch of people. Ask once, and if she says no, then don’t ask again for 6 months. At least.
As far as someone who’s in the limelight? You can talk about her career but don’t talk about it more than you would any other woman. Pull it together, talk about other stuff. And talk about yourself a normal amount. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s giving an interview.
Last, when you introduce her to your friends, call her by her first name only, as you would anyone else. If you say, “Hey guys, this is my date, Britney Spears,” that’ll embarrass everyone. Just Britney will do (just kidding, Brit!).
And don’t stalk. But this goes for every woman. And every guy for that matter. It’s a universal rule: If someone says “no”, then make sure you give your number to him or her and know that they’ll call if they change their mind.
Good luck. If you really like her for her, she will know you’re not just a groupie.
He Said: When I say “group”, you say “eee”. Groupie, groupie, groupie, groupie!!! Sorry. Stream of consciousness writing can be dangerous. Let’s get down to business. How big a star are we talking here? Is this woman an international superstar, or is she more the loyal, cult following type of musician? If she’s the former, it’s going to be difficult to get into her circle of friends, much less her pants. Will her bodyguards be going on your first date? If she’s the latter, your chances are better, at actually getting to know her. Are the times you’ve talked, when you went to see her perform?
I recommend you just cut to the chase and ask her out for coffee, drinks, dinner,etc… sooner rather than later. The sooner you express your desire to get to know her (and form a relationship of some sort), the quicker you’ll find out the answers to your questions. Is she cool to everyone, or does she have a particular interest in you? Do you two have as much in common as you think? Is it necessary to pay for concert tickets, when you could just be “on the list”? All of these things will sort themselves out, shortly after you express a clear interest in her. So, take the plunge, and prepare for the answers (and consequences) to come.
The other reason I suggest expressing yourself sooner rather than later, is because that gives you the opportunity to separate/distance yourself (for better or worse) from all the other fans that come to her shows just to hear the music. Sure you go for the music, but you’d prefer a “private” concert. Cut to the chase, and let her know where you’re coming from. Now, please, please, please, please, please, don’t be a stalker. Seriously, please don’t be a stalker!
P.S. – You should talk to celebrities like regular people. They are human, and if they’re a decent person, they’ll appreciate you being normal/real with them. Trust me on that.
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Photo courtesy of fomu