This is a written version of the opening to today’s Call with the Publisher. At The Good Men Project, we have been holding LIVE phone calls with our community every week for almost 10 years. Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project, hosts the Friday call. Become a member here.
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Lisa Hickey: On a call earlier this week—the GMP Playlist call run by Amanda Vining, we were talking about equality between the genders and why real true equality would be better for MEN as well as for women.
And one of the things I had talked about was that men would have better relationships. Better relationships with everyone.
Promundo is a renowned international research organization. They are releasing a report to coincide with Father’s Day about the “State of the World’s Father’s“. One of their focal points from studying men from around the world is that the Pandemic sees men doing more care work at home (that’s the good news), but (here’s the but!) the world is still 92 years away from achieving equality in unpaid care work.
Here is what they say:
“The key point underpinning all of the research is that without men’s full participation in unpaid care work gender equality cannot be achieved and if we remain on the current path it will take 92 years to achieve equality between men and women in this area. Yet this new analysis of global data tells us that no country in the world has achieved equality in unpaid care work and importantly that no country in the world has a policy or target date to achieve it. However Covid has brought about some really significant changes, with more men carrying out unpaid care work during the pandemic—so there’s a real opportunity to build on this and make important and meaningful progress on the path towards gender equality.” — Promundo: Report on the State of the World’s Fathers
Care — according to this report — does not just mean “childcare”. It means childcare, but also elder care; care of aging parents. It means caring for your spouse in times of sickness — for example, driving them to chemotherapy appts. It means caring for yourself, taking time off for mental health for example. And, for me, the following questions come up when I read the report:
- How can you have a great relationship with your children if you don’t help take care of them?
- How can you have a great relationship with your spouse if you don’t take care of them equally?
- How can you understand the needs of older people, what they are going through, have a great relationship with your parents — if you don’t help take care of them.
- How can you have a good relationship with yourself if you don’t care for it?
- How can you have a good relationship with your colleagues if the competition between them is so intense that you can’t take the time you need to care for the ones you love?
Relationships ARE caring. And that means not just having a feeling about “caring” or love, but actually taking actions, actually taking care of people. It’s not just “Honey I really care about you. Now good luck with that chemo appointment.”
They say love is a verb. That is what it means.
Changing our culture will allow men to love and be loved more than before.
It’s important to note that men WANT to be involved:
“85 percent of men said they would “do whatever it takes to be very involved” in the early stages of caring for a newborn or adopted child but it seems that three major barriers hinder action: (1) the lack of adequate, paid paternity leave, and low take-up of leave when it is available; (2) restrictive gender norms that position care as women’s responsibility, alongside the perception of women as more competent caregivers than men; and (3) a lack of economic security and government support for all parents and caregivers.”
The report lists seven actions to achieve this:
1) Put in place national care policies and campaigns that recognize, reduce, and redistribute care work equally between men and women.
2) Provide equal, job-protected, fully paid parental leave for all parents as a national policy.
3) Design and expand social protection programs to redistribute care equally between women and men, while keeping a focus on the needs and rights of women and girls.
4) Transform health sector institutions to promote fathers’ involvement from the prenatal period through birth and childhood and men’s involvement as caregivers.
5) Promote an ethic of male care in schools, media, and other key institutions in which social norms are created and reinforced.
6) Change workplace conditions, culture, and policies to support workers’ caregiving – and mandate those changes in national legislation.
7) Hold male political leaders accountable for their support of care policies, while advocating for women’s equality in political leadership
And finally, the report notes “While COVID-19 lockdowns have obligated many men to spend more time at home, men’s presence in the home is not universally positive for households. While men’s violence against women was already high before the pandemic, data from 142 studies in 44 countries point to an alarming increase in men’s violence against women during COVID-19.3 Women with disabilities have been particularly at risk. Many countries, from France to Zimbabwe, Singapore to Cyprus, Argentina to Australia, reported that calls to domestic violence helplines doubled or tripled, while, at the same time services for survivors were being cut back. In addition, there is evidence that the pandemic has led to an increase in online sexual harassment and abuse. Research before the pandemic found that men’s unemployment and economic stress can be a driver of men’s use of violence, both of which have been widespread during COVID-19 lockdowns.”
But the reason economic stress can be a driver is based on men shouldering the full responsibility of finances for a family. He is assumed to be the “provider”.
Women who WANT equality also want men NOT to be as responsible for the finances. That is why they want equal pay.
Equality makes everything better for everyone.
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