You’ve probably heard the expression “way out of your league” in reference to the romantic risk of dating at some point in your life. For dating purposes, this implies that the girl you have your sights set on is superior to you, at least in your eyes. Whether or not that’s the actual case and she is actually “way out of your league” is subjective: but if that’s how you feel, we will give you some tips from someone who knows–me.
I am a dude, and here is how I date way out of my league!
Before we even start and you begin to second-guess yourself, I’ll let you in on a little secret: even the most successful and attractive women can be swayed by guys who are into them for all the right reasons.
After all, who doesn’t crave an unconditional admirer who sees through all the superficial BS? It doesn’t matter how gorgeous she is, how perfect her body is, or any other of the surface levels. Deep down, women want to be seen. And we aren’t talking about with your eyes. We mean seen in a way that other men don’t even bother to look for.
So how do I do date “up?” Easily and with some on-field help from online dating apps.
Say you’re on Tinder or whatever other dating app you’re using at the moment, and you see a stunner. We are talking a solid 10. You swipe right (duh) because who wouldn’t? But you’ve already convinced yourself she would never look twice at you.
And then you get a notification–someone matched with you. Who is it? It’s that gorgeous woman you swiped right on, despite being sure they’d never swipe right. Now what?
Nighttime desperation swiping seems pointless until you realize these are actual people who are on dating apps looking for the same thing you are. When you view them as real people and not just images behind a screen, the chances of them liking you back, no matter what league you’ve placed them in, go up in your favor.
Dating someone who is both stunningly attractive and successful may be a mixed bag. Some might say it’s a dream come true, but on the other hand, it could be a harsh reflection of their own flaws.
Here are some tips to prepare for a date with someone you believe is out of your league.
Be Your Own Hype Man
Remember that the person who swiped right or said yes to a date with you did so because they spotted something in you. Whatever it is about the other person that has you intimidated, that should alleviate some of your anxiety.
If they said yes to a date and are still turning up in your texts and messages, it’s highly likely they don’t have a problem with being in the same “league” as you. Never forget how much value you bring to the table: If you want to benefit from dating, you must put the time and effort into bettering yourself.
Write out a laundry list of your most impressive qualities. We’re sure you have a long list of great qualities, but you could use some help compiling it, so ask your friends what they think are your best qualities. Commit this list to memory. Make it your mantra. The person who is out of your league saw something in you when they chose to meet you; therefore, you might want to examine the source of your own self-doubt.
You should consider the fact that your ex’s put-downs (if they are the cause of your negative internal voice) were likely made out of pain or projection at a troubling time in your relationship.
Avoid basing your future self-perception and -presentation on the unfavorable, distorted view of someone with a bad past experience with you. You’re far more interesting than you give yourself credit for, and you should date someone amazing.
Change Your Perspective
In this scenario, what advice would you give a friend? Imagine a close, longtime friend confiding in you that they’re worried about going out with someone more attractive or successful than themselves.
You’d sit them down and tell them that they were nuts. You’d hype them up and tell them everything that makes them great and date-worthy, so you must do the same for yourself! We are our own worst enemies–consider how your parents or BFF would react if they overheard you making unflattering comparisons between yourself and another person.
Your close friends and family will take offense at the suggestion that they have poor taste when you engage in this behavior. But they don’t, and they love you for a lot of reasons!
Be Fair
You’ve seen a gossip blog, right? If you’ve ever been through a breakup, and I know you have, then you understand that it can happen to anybody, no matter how beautiful or wealthy they may be. We see it daily with celebrities, so you may want to question why even the most famous and gorgeous people part ways. Is there a chance that a person’s looks or talents aren’t the only things that count in a relationship?
You obviously know that good looks, trophies, awards, and clout can take a person far, but you also know that substance is necessary for successful partnerships. Think about it: The person you are going to date is so much more than just their perfect body or face.
And sometimes the most stunning people are ugly on the inside, so you might not even like them–-that’s an M. Night Shyamalan twist!
Stop stressing about whether or not they like you, and focus on whether or not you like them. In addition to calming nerves and anxiety, this change in perspective is helpful in the long run.
Do not overcompensate with this strategy and go on a date thinking there has to be something wrong with them if they aren’t snatched up already; just be fair in your judgment and be reasonable!
Final Thoughts
Don’t enter this situation on the defensive or assume the worst. You need to talk seriously with yourself, go on a date, see if you have any common ground, and continue from there as you would with anybody else.
Your insecurities are all your own, and this individual has no clue that you don’t believe you’re attractive or that you think you’re stuck in a dead-end job. All they want to do is find out more about you, so tell them what they want to know. Just roll with whatever happens; you could be pleasantly surprised by how it shakes out!
—
Brought to you by Haroon Bajawa.
Photo: iStock
