My sweet Jesse and I will be married one year this coming August 31st. I’m not sure how we’ll celebrate, but I hope it’ll involve travel, walks, and adventure. Frankly, all three are quite necessary after the heartbreak I encountered this past weekend.
All partnerships come with bumps. What’s important is how you respond, and to be honest, I didn’t react well.
After he shared the news, I felt a pitting heartache. I expressed my anguish to him, only to be met with laughter as if my feelings didn’t matter. It’s because he thought I was faking the whole thing; I could be a bit of a jokester. While I wailed on the kitchen floor, kicking up bits of cat hair and California dust, he simply thought, well, of course, this is one of my wife’s jokes — there’s no way anyone could be THIS upset over a peach pie. But I was.
Before the treachery
Last week, while sitting out back with our landlords who we love very much, my husband said, “I plan to bake a peach pie this weekend. I’d love it if you all shared it with us.”
They expressed excitement! I cheered, they smiled, and we all clapped! Who doesn’t love peach pie, especially one made with love?
Come Sunday morning, I went over to tare, a package-free grocery store in Highland Park, to do our shopping. Jesse stayed back because he was feeling a bit tired from our trip the day before — we went to a nude beach, but that’s a story for another time. I put on my flirty wife hat and texted him about ingredients, and expressed liking our exchange.
“Thanks, babe. I love this, too,” he wrote back. When you’ve been married as long as we have, texting anything is sexting.
I picked up everything he needed, including some vanilla extract as a surprise. Part of the joy was checking an item off my beloved’s to-do list, but I was also well aware that peach pie was coming.
Infidelity is not the only form of betrayal
While Jesse spent a good part of the afternoon making the pie, I spent my time doing homework for a screenwriting class and picking my nose. Digging for gold is usually a good sign. It means I’ve reached such a level of peace that I feel no shame about doing something society only reserves for children.
“The pie is done!” I heard a voice say, so I ran off into the kitchen where the beauty sat in a glass tray looking majestic as ever. My stomach responded immediately, but before inquiring about consumption, I congratulated Jesse on a job well done.
“Well, this pie isn’t for us.”
I looked around the kitchen because surely he must have baked two pies — one for us and one for our landlords who we love very much.
“I planned to bake two pies, but we didn’t have enough peaches, so I only baked one.”
That’s understandable, right. We’ll share this pie.
“You can’t gift someone slices of pie. It’s better to present the whole pie.”
Finally, it hit me. This man, standing in my kitchen disguised as someone who loves me, led me to believe I was eating peach pie, but he changed the game. Immediately the heartbreak set in, and I blacked out. When I came to, I was flat on the kitchen floor, and Jesse was standing over me, trying to explain himself.
Then it all came rushing back, my beloved baked a peach pie but not for me, and the wailing and kicking started all over again.
The morning after
Jesse had already apologized about the peach pie fiasco the night before, once he realized I was, in fact, serious. I wasn’t ready to forgive him, so I gave him a brief silent treatment, mostly because I needed a temporary pause to process the situation and my reaction.
Yes, I know how unhealthy that is, but do you know how much worse it is to express boiling anger over peach pie. I know because I did that, too.
Reluctantly, I shared my lament and also said the hardest word — sorry that is. We analyzed the situation and realized Jesse failed to communicate his change in plans, that my feelings about the peach pie were valid, and how terrible it is to set expectations, especially when dessert is involved.
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As we head into our year-one celebrations, I’m reminded that marriage is a delicate thing and that, without proper communication, we could miss many betrayals along the way. If your heart breaks when your lover gives away the whole pie, tell them. Don’t expect them to change their nature to suit you, but don’t invalidate your feelings to conserve theirs.
Communicate lots, be patient, stay open to positive change, and return to the tough stuff because that’s where growth happens.
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: Kenna Schott