Most of us want to be in love. But have you ever wondered how long it takes for us to fall? Movies always make it seem so fast, but is that realistic?
Let’s take a closer look at this highly complex topic.
How Long Does It Take to Fall In Love?
It’s nearly impossible to know the exact science behind how long it takes to fall in love, but there has been some research on the topic. According to most surveys on the subject, most report that it takes a few months to fall in love. (Note: For the sake of this article, we’re not talking about love at first sight, a phenomena that most experts agree is likely lust at first sight).
Research published in 2011 explored this subject in the form of surveys about past and current relationships. There was one finding, in particular, that may surprise you: Heterosexual men and women express being in love on different timelines.
On average, men took approximately 97 days (or a little over three months) to consider expressing that they had fallen in love. Women, on the other hand, took an estimated 139 days (or almost five months) to think about sharing that they were in love.
Expressing Vs. Feeling Love
It’s worth noting that the researchers only focused on expressing love. This is different from actually falling in love. Most of us don’t express our love right away, so men and women may fall in love a little faster than three and five months, respectively.
Why Do Men Consider Expressing Love Faster?
It’s unclear why men consider sharing their feelings faster than women do. One theory is that men want to “lock it down” faster than women do, which some experts suggest is a biological instinct.
Surveys also leave a lot of room for error. It’s possible that men recall their memories of the past differently than women do. Both genders might actually consider it around the same time, but men remember their relationships differently.
Can You Fall In Love Too Fast?
There’s no right or wrong way when it comes to falling in love. We all fall in love on our own timeframe. It’s quite possible that one partner in the relationship may feel it before the other, which can add a layer of complication. Let’s be real: no one wants to deal with one-sided love.
If you often find yourself falling in love quickly, however, it may be time to take a look at your attachment style. Those who have an insecure attachment style tend to fall in love fast. On the other hand, if it often takes you too long to fall in love and you have a difficult time opening up to your significant other, you might have an avoidant attachment style.
What If You’re In Love But Your Partner Hasn’t Said “I Love You” Yet?
We all fall in love at different rates. It’s highly likely that one partner will fall in love before the other does. Even if you feel it and your significant other hasn’t expressed it yet, it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.
But if many months (or years) have passed and your significant other still hasn’t dropped the L-bomb, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. It’s possible that they could be waiting for you to say “I love you” first, or they might not be the one for you.
The Verdict?
There’s one thing we know for sure: There needs to be more research done on the topic for us to gain a better understanding of how long it takes us to fall in love.
Remember that no one’s timeline is the same when it comes to falling in love. Just because you haven’t heard (or felt) it yet doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t happen. That being said, it’s often best to give yourself a timeframe for how long it should take you to feel love and hear that you are loved.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Fabian Centeno on Unsplash
