The misalignment source
The communication styles of men and women are different.
Men prefer report talk. A man enjoys conversations where he can state facts, share data, and solve problems. The guy’s interest will decrease if he doesn’t feed off a woman’s enthusiasm about other topics.
Women prefer rapport conversations. These chats deepen the relationship via questions. They value sharing and learning the personal details of others.
Men want to display.
Women prefer when people get to know them first. Hence the “at least buy me dinner first” quip.
The first approach mistake
The need to display is heavy when men first approach women they like.
- They want to give compliments to show they like what they see. (sexual statements)
- They want to prove they can provide for themselves and others. (earnings declaration)
- They want to claim they are perfect by saying all their ex-partners are crazy. (half-truths about the past)
- They want to create high-value illusions at dinners with their best assets. (borrowed wealth)
All this displaying occurs. It feels like visual mansplaining — “I am the best guy because of all these qualities. Look here. See, I have proof.”
But the woman wants to make her judgments without your influence.
Every time you show (as comes naturally to you). You interpret the woman’s assessment of your character and assets. In her annoyance, the lady views it as bragging.
It is a salty after-taste for her.
It throws off her efforts to build rapport and connection. And frustrated women go silent. So, it is “game over” right here. Unless something happens for you to treat her like a person rather than an HR personnel, you need to favor you.
Approach women with a mindset of abundance.
You don’t have to show or prove to a woman you are the best. Instead, check out why a lady is worthy of your time when you first meet or interact.
Evaluate, not impress.
Have (at least) one criterion for the women you date, sleep with, or make your significant other. This way, you enter interactions needing rapport. You need to know if she meets the eligibility rule(s) to keep the communication going.
Women are more likely to respond to questions. If interested, she will engage in a style that keeps the conversation going. Then, you can arrange plans to see each other.
Thank you for reading this post.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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