How My Ex-Husband Lowered My Social Security

My ex-husband lowered his social security earnings. His goal? To make sure I wouldn’t get the amount I should receive. It impacts his own social security benefits.

It sounds crazy.

Here’s how and why he did it.

It started the moment I told him I might leave him.

It’s a cautionary tale if your spouse is self-employed, and/or you own a business together. Self-employed individuals can manipulate income. It’s the reason they account for some of the most financially abusive divorces.

I told my husband I was unhappy in our marriage.

He began to alter the earnings.

There are zero dollars reported for social security that year.

The following year there’s $10,000 reported. My husband changes his tactics. Instead of writing off the business income he begins to pay himself as an employee of our company.

He pays himself under $30,000 annually.

I remain in my marriage.

It’s a mistake.

It compromises me personally and financially. I have no idea my husband is hiding our assets. Not to mention, his devious social security plan. I should have been smarter.

Especially when he told me that if I left him he would make sure there was no money, and that I would work for the rest of my life. I thought he was upset. I thought they were angry words.

They weren’t.

They were a promise…a promise he would keep.

During this decade he increased his salary to $36,000.

I’m not stupid.

I’m trusting.

He was my college sweetheart. He was my best friend. A guy I met at a Catholic university. I never thought he was capable of what he ultimately did.

He asked for the bills after I told him I was unhappy.

I didn’t think he had an agenda. I didn’t think my husband would rob me blind. I handed over the financial control of our home, business, and investment properties.

It’s not worth getting into the minutia of our corporation.

Suffice it to say, we had never paid ourselves as owners. We had written my income off as a passive-income earner of the company. Therefore, my ability to collect social security was tied to his social security.

I’m sure you’re begging to ask a logical question.

Why would a man lower his own social security benefits?

He’s hurting himself.

My husband was consumed with anger.

He wanted to punish me for leaving him.

He articulated that everything we had built was ‘his’ money. He didn’t believe I deserved anything from the business we’d built since our 20s. He knew I would be able to collect his social security in divorce.

He wanted me to suffer.

His financial abuse was extreme and severe.

Still, the social security aspect might be one of the most disturbing.

Why?

He hid vast amounts of money.

This meant my ex-husband would have plenty of money. He wasn’t concerned with his social security. He didn’t need it. He was more obsessed with the thought I may one day benefit from it.

He made sure I wouldn’t.

He lowered the earnings to less than what he’d made out of college.

It’s diabolical.

He left no stone unturned.

To be fair, my husband wasn’t smart enough to devise his abusive plan.

I knew this.

It was devised by a group of men in his industry.

Their financial abuse plan was disturbingly extensive. You can read how My Ex Hid Millions of Dollars. It details the steps my husband took during those 10 years, and our elongated divorce.

I write about financial abuse.

But conversationally I have difficulty spitting out the words. I can’t organize my spoken thoughts. I jump around. I can’t stay on track. I over talk.

It throws me back to a chaotic, traumatic, and abusive time.

I feared for my children.

I feared for myself.

It was five years of hell. It was five years of stress, sleep-deprivation, aggressive bullying, and unpredictability. It was five years of uncertainty about food, health insurance, housing, utilities, transportation, and more.

It should never have happened.

Divorce should not be an excuse for abuse.

Divorce should not be one individual’s desire to ‘win.’

I lost everything I built throughout our lives.

Because a man was angry that I left him.

It’s that simple. I chose to get out of an unhappy and unhealthy situation. And one punishing man who needed to seek retribution had control of all of our assets.

I was left with no savings and no retirement.

I was left with approximately 60 to 75% less than I should receive monthly as a 50% business partner. Because my husband lowered and manipulated our business income to make it appear we had less financially.

If only I had known.

If only I had known I had married a man I couldn’t trust.

If only I had known I would divorce a man I couldn’t trust.

I didn’t.

Until it was too late.

Until I had no financial stability. Until I had no ability to one day retire. Until I had no ability to get adequate credit. Until I had no ability to even get the social security I thought I may rely on.

Imagine being so fueled by anger, resentment, and bitterness that you would forfeit your own social security in order to make sure your spouse did not receive it.

But it doesn’t matter when your assets are vast enough to not need it.

My ex-husband left no stone unturned.

He promised me he would leave me with nothing.

He kept that promise.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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