How the Anxious and Avoidant Can Be a Perfect Match

When we have anxious tendencies in relationships, we often find ourselves attracting individuals situated on the opposite end of the emotional scale. Similarly, those of us with avoidant tendencies, often find ourselves attracting anxious individuals. Both types have much to learn from one another.

Although the common saying suggests that opposites attract, the reality is more nuanced. An avoidant person may still grapple with suppressed anxiousness and a fear of abandonment, even if it isn’t consciously acknowledged.

This often stems from messages ingrained during our childhood, particularly in cases of narcissistic parents. We learned that emotional attachment leads to engulfment.

This doesn’t imply that our innate need for emotional connection has vanished; rather, it resides in the background. When we encounter someone who mirrors these suppressed aspects, there is a magnetic pull, but due to our lack of awareness, we may misinterpret it as a case of opposites attracting. And vice versa for the anxious partner.

Despite the challenges, it can be used to heal and propel self-awareness. Thus coming one step closer to having a secure attachment.

Many of us fall somewhere on the spectrum of anxious or avoidant tendencies, striving to achieve security in our relationships. Increased awareness of different aspects of ourselves contributes to a greater sense of security.

Both anxious and avoidant individuals are triggered by specific behaviours in their partners. Avoidants react to perceived clinginess, while anxious individuals react to the aloofness and distance created by their partners.

However, by seizing these moments as opportunities to connect with suppressed aspects of ourselves, we can become less triggered and more compassionate towards each other.

Understanding plays a crucial role in this process. An anxious person can gain a deeper understanding of an avoidant partner’s fears and communicate about them emphatically. This might ease their fears of feeling abandoned and rejected.

On the other hand, an avoidant individual can recognize that perceived clinginess is a plea for connection when we feel disconnection in the relationship, and in turn, help to create safety in the relationship in ways that don’t feel threatening.

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Love transcends the fleeting butterflies in the stomach.

It encompasses much more than a transient emotion. If a relationship feels slightly off or mundane during the early stages, it might indicate that the person doesn’t trigger any of our unresolved issues.

However, it’s essential to be mindful of potential patterns that may surface later in the relationship, allowing us to address and work with them constructively.

Navigating these complexities fosters healthier connections, enabling both partners to meet in the middle. However, this can only be achieved through the courage to embark on inner self-reflection and personal growth.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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