In the confidence coaching work that I do, I often find myself in the middle of two different people groups that both want the same thing when it comes to cold approaches. On one side, there are guys who wish they could stop making excuses and approach women more. On another, there are women who wish they could stay open to men’s approaches, but have had one too many conversations with guys who didn’t know what they were doing and are now “over it.”
It’s a funny position to be in, but as a veteran/reformed “infielder” (slang for daytime pick-up artist), I’d like to share a quick guide for men if they see a woman they want to approach.
If you’re a guy reading this, remember that authenticity and confidence go hand-in-hand in these types of interactions. A confident man is unashamedly authentic and an authentic man naturally finds his own inner confidence.
I won’t get into specific words to say or types of conversations to have right now because none of that matters without your individual masculinity being calmly on display.
With that being said, read on for how to best approach women while still being yourself. As you are practicing this fine art, remember the acronym LEAP:
1. Let go
Before you move in her direction, take a moment and release any expectations you may have for the interaction, whether those expectations are positive or negative—or somewhere in between.
It’s natural to want to try to control the situation or to will yourself into a woman’s good graces so that you can accomplish a goal (we are task-driven men, after all). But if you do this you’ll be setting yourself up for at best, a very flatline conversation or at worst, a failed attempt at human contact.
Take a moment to yourself. Breathe. Forget about the outcome and remember that you’re an incredible guy and amazing person even without this chance you’ve been given.
2. Eye contact
Think about how rare it is to look someone in the eye these days. We’re too obsessed with our phones to look at each other. We’re too afraid to let go of our online status to maintain that level of intimacy.
If you want to communicate a sincere, deep connection when approaching, sustained eye contact must quickly become your best friend. In addition to when you introduce yourself to her, you can use this to communicate that you really “get” what a woman is saying and build an emotional connection. You can use it to communicate that you are a warm, inspiring person who is able to look outside himself and into the lives of others (i.e. not a narcissist).
Also, because people mirror the emotions they detect in others, anyone you’re giving solid, aroused eye contact to will naturally mirror this back to you. If she is also interested in you, this emotion will be exciting to her. If she’s not, it will be off-putting or creepy and the conversation will end.
For my money, as a guy, you can’t go wrong committing to eye contact because it clearly communicates confidence.
It also signals your interest and sexual intent and ultimately gives her a healthy amount of space to feel comfortable and let her guard down around you if she feels the same.
3. Act natural and be yourself
You know how in films when someone says “Act natural!” and the character does the opposite? Yeah…don’t do that.
Be the man that doesn’t have to be anyone to impress anyone, certainly not himself.
All you need to know is that when you’re being yourself, you will naturally flow where you need to go. If she’s into you, she’ll flow right with you.
4. Be Present
One thing that gets lost in the pressure we men put on ourselves in these scenarios is the fact that a lot of women want to be approached! For many, it’s a real dream of theirs to have a chance encounter with an awesome guy who takes a moment to let her know that he’s into her.
Sadly, these days the dream is dying thanks to overly-aggressive guys and perennial douchebags who haven’t a clue how to play their role in this and a result, women are turning to dating apps and online matching sites because they feel like they’ll never meet anyone otherwise.
That’s why, as a guy, you should relish the chance to speak to a woman that you’re into, even if just for a few moments!
Women can feel when you’re not being present with them. They can feel when your heart and mind have left the building and been replaced with only your cock. (Note: yes, I have written about “good dick” energy vs. “bad dick” energy and will be sharing more later.)
Play your role as a man and stay in the moment with her, don’t leave her hanging. Don’t miss out on your chance to enjoy a woman because you can’t stop thinking about enjoying her sexually.
Be present with her and lead from that presence. Take a risk, give it a shot! No matter what happens, let being true to yourself give you the courage to go back for more.
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