I see so many experts, coaches say they can help you make Him or Her BEG to be your boyfriend. First off, that turns my stomach, makes me feel really unsettled. It is so manipulative in nature – even if the actual content to do this is not manipulative. It makes sales! It makes coaches wealthy!
Why? Because people really are into “control” whether or not they admit it or see it. Personally, if I found out a man was taking a course on how to make me beg to be his girlfriend, I’d have to leave. Yes, just based on that.
When I ask clients, they said they had rather have an article on how to avoid an unhealthy relationship. Which falls in line with how I work and how I see my work being beneficial.
Knowing the red flags helps a great deal. Which can also show what Green Flags are!
- Be ready to leave at any point you see the deal breakers or red flags
- Stay long enough to make sure it is a red flag and not a caution flag
- Caution flags are meant to slow things down so you can get a better look, not go into denial
- Listen, Listen, and Listen
- So many times we are so loving being with someone that we stop listening because we might just hear something we don’t want to accept
- Do a variety of things to see how you interact together, respond together and how it feels ( this is confused for manipulation, it is not)
- Keep an open mind and still have your own back at the same time- this isn’t a time to throw caution to the wind – at the same time not be too concerned about it.
- Pay attention to your dreams, your body ( is it relaxed or tense) and your feelings ( lots can come up during dreams)
- Write things down that don’t feel good. Look at them without emotion- watch for projection and see if at your peaceful times this feels right or bad
- Does this person follow through? If not why? Do they tell you they cannot follow through or act like their words mean not much at all
- Really sit with eye contact, questions, what isn’t being said, how it is being said. Do they interrupt to talk about themselves?
- Is this person truly curious about you or do you just feel like a trophy on the mantle?
- How is sex? Do they act really interested in building the sex or just getting it done? Do they want to please you? Can they let go?
- Do they ask questions and do they answer, really answer them? Do they avoid total disclosure?
- Do they offer suggestions on things that come up in a not so good area? Such as food preferences, sleeping styles, affection. Do they tell you what they really need? Do they ask what you need?
- Pay attention to if they seem to be saying things for the sake of you hearing what you want, or do they have their own opinions even if it differs from yours.
- Is the relationship growing, can you both work things out or does it feel as if it’s just being overlooked and avoided
Basically, the best advice to avoid unhealthy relationships is just PAY ATTENTION! Be in the moment, have fun for NOW and put things in the basket for later to look at. Just don’t forget to look in the basket. Be your own best friend and have your own back!
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