How to Beat the Loneliness Pandemic Through Communities

We have a loneliness and commitment problem.

We don’t want to be alone yet we don’t want to commit to relationships. We want the benefits but fear missing out on something better.

The root causes may lie in technology, social media, and societa lshifts. I’m not here to discuss that. It is what it is.

So what’s the way out?

The answer is communities and transformational relationships.

Let’s first look at the shortcomings of the old model.

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The Old Model: Transactional Relationships and Loneliness

Today most of us have transactional relationships. The value is tied to what we can offer the other. We mistake human connections for business relationships.

I love you if…

We make the other person responsible for our happiness. A feeding ground for toxic behavior.

The consequence is disappointment and conflict. Sooner or later it always happens. Hence the many breakups and unprecedented amounts of singles.

Loneliness is at a record high. The pandemic compounded these effects.

Even in relationships people sometimes feel lonely.

Friendships are superficial

Friendships suffer, too. Many of us maintain loads of “friends” at a superficial level.

It’s a silent competition on who’s doing better and displaying it as much as possible.

It’s not really about wanting the best for each other.

Hey man, my life is THIS awesome.

Really? Mine is even better.

It’s sad.

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The New Model: Transformational Relationships and Community

The new model is based on authentic human connection.

Rather than a collection of superficial relationships, it’s a community of people. Close friends, like-minded, open-hearted, and trusting. Committed but free.

It’s based on shared values, mutual respect, growth and support.

One of the marvelous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn’t as individuals.— Jean Vanier

The emphasis is on how each person can help the other grow and learn as individuals.

These communities naturally evolve yet they are long-lasting as the connections are deep and meaningful.

There shouldn’t be more than 20–30 people max.

Some members will be in a romantic partnership. Some may be involved in several partnerships. That’s up to the individuals. I’m not here to judge.

Prerequisites for transformational relationships

Nobody said it’s going to be easy. But it’s certainly worth it. We may have to learn things we haven’t learned in school:

Self-responsibility: We have to accept that we are the captain of our own ship. It’s nobody else’s job to make us happy.
Commitment to growth: Communities evolve. People change. And change is life. A growth mindset is a must-have.
Open communication: We’re not in the business of reading each others’ minds. We state our needs. Our communication is clear and respectful.
Self-acceptance: If we don’t accept ourselves we can’t really accept others. And without self-love, we can’t love anybody else unconditionally. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
How to build a community: A couple on bikes riding into the sunset.

Finding the right people

We can’t just have transformational relationships let alone build a community with just anybody.

We have to find — or better yet — attract like-minded people with a similar set of values.

Luckily, there are many opportunities to connect e.g. through meet-ups, conferences and workshops, retreats, special interest groups, networking events, volunteering, or traveling.

Meetup.com for example was a good one for me.

We can also find new connections through your network. For example, I reached out to many of my contacts saying:

Hey [name], I’m very interested in personal development and coaching. I’m looking for further people to connect with on those topics. Can you think of anyone that would be interested?

Around 10% of people sent me a contact, which led to many valuable conversations.

Multipreneurship: Community-based business

Communities are not limited to human connection and growth. They can be the starting point for doing business.

In Multipreneurship, business is community-led rather than product-led.

Communities give us that sense that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, that we are not alone, that we have something better ahead to work for. — Marc Zuckerberg

Some members may already have a business while others may have some specific skills.

Based on a shared vision and trust, multiple businesses can be combined and launched from the community. Resources and learnings can be shared as needed to accelerate growth.

In our coaching community, for example, different coaching focuses are combined with online resources as well as functional medicine practices.

It’s a one-stop shop for health and well-being, all provided by an aligned group of experts in their field.

Based on that we may create a digital platform and streamline marketing and social media to get more clients. We also plan to offer retreats and workshops with different focus topics.

More options compared to lonely solopreneurs. Creating together is more fun, too.

How to build a community: friends working together on a business based on their community.

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Conclusion

The way we connect with people is changing. It has to.

Surface-level friendships and what-can-you-do-for-me? -thinking may have helped us in old-school businesses and transactional partnerships.

But it made us lonely and depressed.

Transformational relationships are emerging. It’s about real, deep connections in small, tight-knit communities.

To make it work, we have to take responsibility for our lives, stay open to change, communicate clearly, and love ourselves first.

We can pool our resources and skills to provide value to people within and outside of our community.

We may co-own businesses, and houses, or grow our own food.

Who do you want to surround yourself with?

A large tight-knit community at sunset.

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Learn how to use the power of the breath for (mental-)health.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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