How to Detach Yourself From Someone You Love

Love — the most glorified of human emotions and yet the most confusing.

It feels like your day orchestrates itself around someone else. Perhaps this is your mate or the closest buddy. You easily fall into this trap of believing that everything you do in your life will somehow make your disposition better or affect the way you decide on certain matters.

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I recall sitting on the very edge of my bed, gazing at the phone waiting for a text that never arrived. It is the age-old situation, right? Almost cinematic in its melancholy. But that was my wake-up call. The fact that one needs to detach oneself from someone doesn’t mean giving up on love; it only means acknowledging the necessity of being loved without restrictions.

Detach yourself — because you love yourself too.

This step involves digging deep into your emotions. Is the relationship more painful than pleasant? Are you getting lost in the process of loving another person? These questions are not easy and neither are they the answers.

But believe me, the journey of self-reflection is the initial stage on the way to getting well.

Establish Emotional Boundaries And Supporting pillars

I used to believe that boundaries were walls. But they’re not; they’re gates.

To set emotional boundaries is to determine what you are allowed to enter and do not want in your space.

It’s tough but necessary. When breaking away from someone, tell him or her your feelings and boundaries. It’s not being cold; it is being transparent. No last-minute texts, no check-up calls. Clear boundaries prevent from reviving old feelings.

And To lose someone you love even though by choice is still a loss. Grieve. I did. I mourned the love that seemed would last forever, to live in my oft-painted future. It is okay to be unhappy, indignant, or even glad. Emotions don’t follow a rulebook.

But one most important thing I want you to say is — Reach out to friends, and family members. When entering my detachment phase, friends became the pillars for me.

They heard, gave advice and even sometimes just remained silent while sitting. Find your tribe.

Rediscovering Now

What were you before this relationship? I discovered that along the way, bits of me had been lost — my hobbies and interests. Rediscovering yourself is all about finding those lost parts again.

I took up painting. It was sloppy, and my first canvas appeared like a child’s drawing in kindergarten. — experiment with new things; perhaps a cooking class, hiking, journal writing. It assists you to divert your attention from the past into the present.

Easier said than done, right? But it’s crucial. I started with small affirmations. I’d stand in front of the mirror each morning and tell myself, “You are strong. You deserve to be here. Always have been enough.”

At first, it seemed ridiculous but slowly enough they sank into my being until finally, I believed them.

Take care of yourself. — eat properly, exercise regularly, and sleep enough. I also found meditation helpful. It was as if my overthinking brain got the break it longed for.

Now it’s time to make new MEMORIES.

Your memories don’t have to shape the future. Travel to new locations, and make new friends. I remember visiting the café where my ex and I had some of our dates, this time though it was alone. I sat at the same table, ordered the same coffee, and wrote in my journal this time. I was making up a new memory, only for myself.

Healing isn’t linear. Some days will be more difficult than others. Detaching from someone you love doesn’t have any time frame.

For me, some days seemed like I started from scratch. However, eventually the times with good days began to prevail over bad ones.

Don’t rush the process. Be kind to yourself. Healing and detaching are individual processes. They take all the time at their own pace.

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Every relationship teaches us something. So I learned that I am stronger than it seemed like, endure heartbreaks, and live for myself. Remember these lessons well, but let go of the bitterness and anger. They only weigh you down.

The fact that you detach from someone does not mean forever closing yourself off to love. It means to realize that this love was not right for you. Stay open to the idea of a love that lifts you, honors you, and cherishes you.

Every step you take to separate is a triumph. Celebrate it.

I reveled in my small triumphs — the first night where I didn’t cry myself to sleep, the first day that went by and they were not on my mind…my happiness was felt again for real. These moments are worth celebrating.

All in all, detaching from somebody you love isn’t just about continuing; it’s tied in with developing, learning, and rediscovering yourself. It’s a journey loaded up with a range of feelings, and feeling them all is OK.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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