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Are we doing enough to explain sexual assault to our sons? How soon is too soon to start teaching them about rape culture? I’ll be honest, I really didn’t want to explain rape to my toddler, but I did it and so can you. With Brett Kavanaugh all over the news right now, this isn’t an issue you can avoid until the right moment comes along.
When my son was 2 years old, Brock Turner was being tried in court for rape. Everyone was talking about it, just like now everyone is talking about Kavanaugh. I was waging a feminist debate over my dining room table with my less-informed in-laws. I preached and railed about consent, the privilege of white men, the Catholic concept of woman’s original sin and everything else I could think of to support my arguments about rape culture. All of a sudden, my brother-in-law blurted out, “I don’t believe rape really exists.”
My head almost imploded. This was too much! I fiercely began to redouble my efforts when I was stopped dead by a small, sweet voice at knee-height. “Mommy, what’s rape?” My heart sank. It was my 2-year-old boy asking about rape. This is too soon, I thought. Everything in my being wanted to protect this sweet, innocent boy of mine from the horrors of this world.
But, my brother-in-law turned to me with a smirk that spoke for itself, “Well, big-mouth, what are you going to do now?” I mean, my kid didn’t even know what sex was, how would I explain rape?! But the smug look on my brother-in-law’s face hardened my resolve. I dove right in and transformed that horrifying discussion into a teachable moment for my toddler.
“Well, do you know how sometimes your uncle gives you hugs when you don’t want them?” My son’s eyes widened and he nodded. He knew all too well about that. My brother-in-law was always forcing hugs that my boy didn’t want despite my best efforts to prevent them. “Rape is like that, but more strong. So strong that the other person gets hurt.” My toddler got the point right away and absolutely agreed with me. I noticed the grin had left my brother-in-law’s face.
Not only did I plant a rape-prevention seed that will stay with my son for the rest of his life, I also gave him some empowering tools to know that he can and should speak up when his personal space is violated or when he sees other people having their personal space violated.
The most important thing we can do for our children is to let them see us standing up for our values and not giving in when the going gets tough. If it’s possible to explain rape in a way that a toddler can understand, then there is no issue we can’t discuss with our children. They are our future, after all, and our legacy. You’ve got this.
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Photo credit: Pixabay