Any emotional intelligent man shows predictable qualities: Self-awareness, compassion, empathy, resilience, and so on. But I’ve come to believe that among all the traits of an emotionally intelligent man, the most important one is self-awareness.
Why? It’s simply because I’ve come to learn that unless a man understands himself, it would be extremely difficult for him to understand others. In a sense, self-awareness is the “doorway” quality of an emotionally intelligent man, to which all the other traits are reached.
Self-awareness has helped me grow into a strong, successful man … and it can help you, too.
Your Biggest Fear
My biggest life breakthrough, emotional intelligence-wise, came when I was just starting out as an entrepreneur. Back then, I was struggling through two failed business attempts and was on the verge of failing a third. I was an emotional and physical mess.
Late one night, while staring blankly at the clutter on my desk, corkboard, and e-mail inbox, “the question” popped into my mind. I asked: “Why am I doing all this?”
I decided to take an unemotional, objective attempt at answering the question. The first answer I came up with was: “Because I’m afraid of failing my business.”
Then the question came again: “WHY am I afraid of failing my business?”
The answer came, albeit less quickly than before: “Well… because then I’d be a failure.”
The question kept coming. “WHY am I afraid of being a failure?”
The questions and answers kept going and going until I arrived at my biggest fear of all.
I realized that I was bullied as a kid — people called me a “loser.” And my biggest fear was that I’d prove the bullies right.
Once the questions couldn’t go any deeper, I then asked myself a question that went the other direction – that would bounce me right back up.
I asked myself: “What should I do now to prove the bullies wrong?”
All of a sudden, everything became clear to me. I attacked my work with renewed strength and determination, all stemming from that precious bit of self-awareness.
Since then, I’ve started many profitable companies and trained many others to do the same.
Now how can this bit of wisdom help you?
Using Fear To Fuel Success
Some “gurus” might tell you that to succeed in life, you’ll need to focus on your desires and not your fears. That’s partially true. But science has shown that our brains are wired to respond MUCH MORE POWERFULLY to our fears than to our desires.
That means if you focus on your desires and ignore your fears, you’re using only a small fraction of your power.
My advice? Use your fears to your advantage, too.
Be the carrot AND the stick. Let your desires pull you towards your goals, while your fears push you from behind. Your goals will get easier to achieve and your plans become clear as day.
What’s your biggest fear? Hopefully, the exercise in this article will help you find it, too.
—
Photo: Getty Images
