Loneliness is a natural human emotion that we all feel. It may not be welcome, but it can’t harm us. We can live with it, without it consuming us.
Like any emotion, it passes through us in under 90 seconds#1, unless our thoughts about it prolong and entrench it, causing us more suffering. The problem for us is not that we are lonely, it’s our reaction to it — what we make it mean.
You have a feeling of being lonely — and this will pass through you quickly unless you make up a story about how you’re lonely because you’re unlovable and worthless and nobody will ever love you and you’re going to be alone forever.#2
Paradoxically, the best way to deal with loneliness is just to feel it and let it pass. Here are the steps you can take when loneliness is coming up:
- WITNESS
Pause and be aware of the loneliness — it’s not you, it’s an emotion you are experiencing and it can’t hurt you - STOP THE FIGHT
Notice the urge to fight or suppress the lonely feeling, but don’t give in to that urge - BE GENTLE
Extend kindness to your suffering self - FEEL THE SENSATIONS
Breathe, relax and gently feel the loneliness as sensations in your body — just observe without judgment - ACCEPT
Acknowledge that it’s just a feeling and allow it to be there for now - NOTICE THOUGHTS
Notice the thoughts that come up as the lonely feeling arises and write them down - CHANGE YOUR MIND
Choose not to judge your loneliness as bad and compound your distress
It will pass. Emotions come in waves and are not constant.
Know that each of us as an adult is responsible for meeting our own emotional needs in this life. No-one else can truly see and meet them and nor can we expect them to. You create your feelings with your thoughts, so YOU have control.
As you learn to support yourself through your loneliness by thinking differently, you are becoming your own best friend.
—
◊♦◊
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
◊♦◊
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
—
Based on this post: https://dexrandall.com/lonely/
#1 Dr Jill Bolte Taylor, A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey
#2 Lissa Rankin MD, author of The Fear Cure
Photo by Emile Séguin 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
