How To Identify an Emotionally Mischievous Person

Have you ever been with a person who always found themselves in the midst of chaos — and managed to pull you along? Someone who had a fondness for causing trouble?

Someone whose hobby seemed to be to annoy people and who proudly wore the medal of… irresponsibility?

If your answer was positive, you’re probably familiar with what being around an emotionally mischievous person feels like.

Emotionally mischievous people are trouble seekers. They have a fondness for causing trouble and provoking others and struggle with emotional maturity. Most of the time, they don’t mean real harm; they just have a soft spot for drama and playing “harmless tricks” on the people around them.

However, getting romantically involved with a person who exhibits those characteristics might turn out to be an emotional rollercoaster that’ll burn you out and take a toll on your mental health.

What follows, are five signs that can help you identify emotionally mischievous behavior in a partner — and save you a lot of emotional energy.

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#1. They Intentionally Provoke You

Emotionally mischievous people are very curious by nature and love observing people’s behavior and various reactions. One way to do so is by provoking others in order to see how they react and respond.

For example, they might repeatedly make fun of you to see whether you’ll get angry, or “how much you can take”.

They might make rude comments, disguised as jokes, or use extreme language. They might also engage in inconsiderate behavior and push you to talk about things you don’t feel comfortable discussing, e.g., a recent breakup or the loss of a loved one.

The worst thing? They play those tricks on you for fun. And if you try to confront them they dismiss you by telling you they’re just “too straightforward” or that you’re “hyper-sensitive”.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. Your partner likes to push your buttons.

2. Your partner repeatedly makes rude comments and says inconsiderate things — especially when they see you’re angry.

3. Your partner pushes you to do things they already know you don’t want to do.

4. Your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries.

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#2. They Are Agents of Chaos

Some people avoid trouble and run away from chaos. Some others love finding themselves amidst it. Emotionally mischievous people belong in the latter category.

They are agents of chaos. They’re always looking for trouble because conflict and drama excite them. They get high on the feeling of adrenaline and anger that heated situations bring. Drama makes them feel important, powerful, and alive.

Of course, they never admit to looking for trouble. Instead, they claim that they’re victims since “drama always finds them”.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. Your partner steps into conflicts that have nothing to do with them.

2. Your partner loves engaging in emotional confrontations.

3. Your partner picks up fights over the most minor and unimportant issues.

4. Your partner loves pouring fuel on the fire.

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#3. They’re Big on Mind Games

Playing mind games is another method emotionally mischievous people use to provoke interesting reactions from others and…have fun.

Their emotional immaturity is also an important factor that prevents them from acknowledging the harm of messing with other people’s heads.

Erratic communication partners. Mixed signals. Cat and mouse games. Saying one thing and then doing the opposite. Twisting your words.

All of the above are just some examples of the mind games an emotionally mischievous person might play on you and have one thing in common: they fill your daily life with unnecessary stress and emotional frustration.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. You often feel like you don’t know where you stand with your partner.

2. Your partner is hot and cold with you.

3. Your partner doesn’t have an open and consistent communication pattern.

4. Your partner often engages in inexplicable behavior, like flirting with other people in front of you or disappearing with no explanation.

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#4. They’re Awfully Impulsive

Usually, mischievous people have the emotional maturity of a child. As a result, they are awfully impulsive in every area of their lives.

They touch thing they shouldn’t touch. They say things they shouldn’t say. They don’t think before they talk or act. They act quickly with no thought to the consequences.

Their impulsive behavior, however, makes life difficult both for themselves as well the people around them.

As clinical psychologist Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault states in her article:

“From making hasty decisions to getting into fights, impulsivity can cause harm to yourself and those around you. In addition to undermining relationships and your overall sense of well-being, impulsive behaviors can also lead to financial and legal harm if left unchecked.”

Signs this is true in your case:

1. Your partner usually acts on a whim.

2. Your partner often ignores danger and makes reckless actions.

3. Your partner is impatient and gets frustrated if they don’t get what they want immediately.

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#5. They Have an Offensive Sense of Humor

When it comes to their sense of humor, emotionally mischievous people tend to be cynical, caustic, and offensive — sometimes unwillingly — and it’s one of the many things that land them in trouble.

They often ruin social gatherings by making racist, secist, or homophobic jokes and make everyone, especially their partner feel uncomfortable as hell. If anyone tries to confront them about it, they’ll respond with “it was just a joke”, or “it’s not my fault you people lack a sense of humor”.

Being around a partner with offensive humor is dangerous, because their “funny” jokes might have unfunny consequences. Being repeatedly — even indirectly — insulted by a person who’s supposed to respect and lift you up, can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and lower your confidence.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. Your partner often makes racist/sexist/homophobic jokes or laughs when other people make them.
2. Your partner often says inconsiderate and rude things and then disguises them as “innocent jokes”.
3. Your partner makes people so uncomfortable that they avoid hanging out with them.
4. Your partner’s sense of humor has pushed most of their friends away.

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Putting It All Together…

Emotionally mischievous people aren’t necessarily bad people nor do they have dangerous personality disorders. They do, however, have difficult traits that might hurt the people around them — especially their partners.

As health and wellness expert Susan Biali Haas states in her article:

“A difficult person in your life might not have a full-blown personality disorder; they may just have related traits that express themselves from time to time. It still takes a toll on your self-esteem and well-being to be around them.”

If the idea of dating an emotionally mischievous person makes you feel unease, keep an eye out for the following red flags:

a tendency to emotionally provoke other people
a soft spot for chaotic situations
a fondness for playing mind games
signs of impulsive behavior
an offensive sense of humor

If you recognized the above signs in your partner’s behavior, but don’t want to let go of them, you should have an honest conversation with them about their behavior and the ways it hurts you.

There’s no need to be aggressive or use absolute and extreme language; just try to explain things from your own point of view in a calm and respectful way.

There’s a chance they don’t even realize how harmful their ways are, and upon talking with you, they’ll try to slowly change their behavior and let go of certain toxic habits.

However, there’s also a chance they won’t be willing to change their ways, and they’ll dismiss your feelings. In that case, it might be better to seriously consider the possibility of moving on to someone who’s emotionally ready to support a serious relationship while also respect and treat you the way you deserve.

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Previously Published on Medium.

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