How to Kill a Romantic!

Her pain was palpable.

He could almost touch it. The pain in her words summoned the hurt he held in his heart once. As he listened, strings of memory were strung, and emotions poured. Thus, he understood precisely her hurt.

It’s a human gift, to be able to feel and understand one’s pain.

So she spoke. He listened — intently. So much so, that in that moment, they were soul siblings.

But for him, he was in a better place. Cos his pain was a long time ago. He was better now. But she wasn’t. And he knew. He also knew it’ll take her a while. Then she’ll be fine. But he didn’t say that. She doesn’t need that now. Now she needs a listener. One to understand.

Grace is good. Kind. Gentle. And an affectionate soul.

A great lover too. Faithful and romantic at heart. Willing to go the extra mile. Somehow, Matt isn’t seeing the gift before him. He’s too busy. Can’t be bothered. Uncaring. Lacks interest. Regardless of how hard she tries. It almost feels like, she’s in it alone.

It’s hard for him to understand why Grace would be treated like this. If for no other reason, but her innocence and genuineness. She was the perfect romantic. In spite of what he did, her heart stayed with him. And he knew it.

Could that be why? Maybe she loved him too much.

But is that even possible? Can love be too much?

Isn’t that the dream, to be loved that much? To be truly desired?

What is it with (Hu)man? That he would not value that which he labored not for. That which comes freely he treads underfoot. Haven’t we yet learned that the best things in life are free?

Why are we cursed to value a thing only when it’s gone?

Looking in from the outside, if Grace walks, it’s Matt’s loss. That’s if she’s brave enough. But would it matter to him? Since he never saw her value, would he count it as a loss?

Can you miss that which you didn’t see?

Can you feel the loss of one you had no connection with? I think not.

When Grace met Matt, it was four years ago. She was resigned. Given up on love. For she’s been burnt before. But somehow, he changed all that. Made her open up to him. He proved different — not like the others. So he made her trust again. And to love again.

The heart’s resilient. It’s tough. But it ain’t stupid.

There’s only so much it can take. Cos to love is to risk. It’s to jump with absolute faith that you’ll be caught. And if you’re not, well, you know how great is such a fall.

Sadly, for love to be eternal, it requires absolute faith. And absolute faith is an absolute gamble. This, therefore, becomes the dilemma of the heart.

The challenge of the heart, therefore, is to find sincerity. Not only that but discipline too. Cos a love may be sincere from the start, but unless it be disciplined, it’ll fail.

When your heart’s let down over and over again, it’ll seek ways to protect itself. Creating unease — and the unwillingness to put yourself out there. There’s an unconscious fear of intimacy that erects a wall to protect.

While this wall means good, to keep out the possibility of pain, it inadvertently also keeps out the possibility of happiness.

But there’s something deeper it keeps out — intimate connection. Not chemistry. Not attraction. Not sexual lust. But deep romantic intimate connection that glues souls. The bond that braves two people to depend on each other through vulnerability and acceptance.

Could this be the curse of modern relationships? The mystery behind the thinned walls of our marriages today?

Could it be we’ve been burnt so much that we lost our ability to be vulnerable and to build intimate bonds and connections?

That’s made us into who we are today. With our thin resolve. And our willingness to flee.

We used to fight. And cry. Yet, we make it work. Why? Cos we built bonds. Not just the bond of love, but of hurt too.

For hurt is one part of the truth. On the other side are happiness and the life we desire with our partner.

Indeed, none is perfect. Anyone can hurt. And eventually, they do. Like life, love isn’t perfect. We reckon, therefore, that to find love and keep it, just like a rose, we must allow space for her thorns.

Howbeit, in this case, he urged Grace to differ.

There’s a love worth fighting for. And there’s love worth walking from. But Grace continues, hoping he’ll change. It’s been over two years. It doesn’t take that long for a heart that loves you to see the pain it’s causing you. If it indeed does love you.

We don’t repaint people after they show their true colors.

While she sobs, he thought about these things. Somehow, he could already see what lurks on the horizon. He knew after this, she’ll never be the same again. The feeling of betrayal or abandonment doesn’t go easy.

He knows a time will come, she’ll seal up that heart. Not because deep down she doesn’t desire love, but because her weakened heart cannot take another betrayal.

And maybe in the end, like many, she’ll settle for the one who loves her, regardless of how much she loves him.

At least, even though she’ll be committed and faithful, it’ll be easier to walk if things go south.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***