First, let’s put off discussing the question itself and let me tell you a story.
The girl had just sat in her boyfriend’s car when her phone rang. She glanced down and saw that it was her ex-boyfriend. They usually never contacted each other, so she wondered why he suddenly called at this moment. She hesitated for a moment and declined the call.
The boyfriend casually asked, “Who was it?”
The girl vaguely replied, “I don’t know the number.”
Oh.
Throughout the drive, the boyfriend had a slight frown on his face. He seemed lost in thought and didn’t respond when the girl tried to talk to him. Worried, she asked if something was wrong or if he was feeling unwell. The boyfriend said it was nothing, just that he wasn’t in a great mood today.
The boy remained silent.
Sitting in the passenger seat, the girl began to feel guilty and started explaining nervously that the call was from her ex-boyfriend, whom she hadn’t contacted for a long time. She explained that she didn’t know why he suddenly called and that there was absolutely no ambiguity between them. She pleaded with him to trust her.
The boyfriend turned to look at the girl and said, “Okay, okay, I trust you. Just relax.” After speaking, he furrowed his brows again and continued driving. Seeing his reaction, the girl felt extremely aggrieved and continued, “Why don’t you trust me? We hardly ever contact each other. This is the first time he called me, and what can a single phone call prove? Is it necessary for you to be like this?”
The boyfriend was annoyed by the girl’s nagging and turned to look at her, saying in a calm tone, “Since it’s not a big deal, why did you decline the call?”
The girl exploded, “Aren’t I afraid that you would think too much? Otherwise, what’s the point? You’re clearly upset because of this. Is there anything to deny? Is it necessary to make such a fuss about it? Otherwise, I’ll call him back!” She reached for her phone to dial the number, and the boyfriend became completely impatient, telling her to stop making a scene and calm down.
The girl suddenly deflated like a punctured balloon and fell silent. She sat there feeling wronged while whispering to herself, “You weren’t like this before. You didn’t yell at me. Do you remember how you treated me two years ago? Do you remember the promises you made back then? And now, after such a short time, do you have nothing to say to me anymore? Do you no longer love me?”
The boy remained speechless, not knowing how to respond.
Seeing him like this, the girl felt even sadder. In a fit of anger, she shouted for him to stop the car and got out. She hailed a taxi and went home by herself.
After arriving home, the boyfriend still didn’t call. The girl was furious and started to threaten a breakup, saying that since they had nothing to say to each other anymore, it was meaningless to stay together.
The boyfriend didn’t reply.
After a while, the girl’s anger subsided, and she panicked when she realized the boyfriend still hadn’t spoken. She sent a long, long message, recounting how good they used to be and questioning why things had changed. The message conveyed that she didn’t want to break up and that she loved him deeply but was uncertain.
After rambling on, the boyfriend still didn’t reply.
The girl’s heart sank, thinking, “He really doesn’t love me anymore.” She started crying, hugging herself tightly.
Later, the boyfriend called the girl and said, “Baby, please stop crying. I was wrong. I’ll come to your place and take you out. Don’t be upset.”
As soon as she heard this, the girl immediately felt better. She put on a jacket and happily ran out.
After reconciling, the girl still couldn’t shake off her worries. She subtly asked the boyfriend if he still loved her and what had happened, why he had been silent.
The boy had a helpless expression and said, “I really didn’t do anything. I just can’t figure out why Italy lost today!”
When a man says, “I don’t want to talk,” he means exactly what he says — he’s tired and doesn’t feel like talking.
But when a woman says, “I don’t want to talk,” she may actually have a thousand words she wants to say.
You see, this is the difference in the way men and women think.
The same difference in thinking between men and women also applies to texting.
I used to be tangled up in the length of text messages and who should initiate the conversation.
Why is it that I send three sentences and he sometimes responds with just one? Why are voice messages so short? Why do I often receive a message with just “hahaha”? Why didn’t he say goodnight today? Why hasn’t he sent a message today? Should I initiate contact with him? Will he think less of me if I do? Yes, I have to wait for him to contact me, I can’t be impatient.
Oh, it’s been four hours, why hasn’t he contacted me yet…
After many arguments and discussions, I gradually realized that as a man, they don’t really care about these things.
For them, “love” is the foundation, and it doesn’t need to be validated through various means. Because I love you, that’s why I’m with you, that’s why I text and call you, and we go shopping and to the park together.
But for women, they tend to pile up small details in life to verify the question of “does he really love me.”
This issue also arises between friends.
For example, one time when I was shopping, I happened to run into John. We went to eat together, and when we were about to leave after paying, the restaurant owner suddenly looked at me and said, “Your girlfriend looks like a Korean star.” Then John immediately said, “She’s not my girlfriend.” I said, “I look like a star?!!”
And have you ever noticed that many people who are directionally challenged are women? It’s because men have a strong sense of space. They look at a location and first understand the approximate relationship between point A and point B, creating an abstract map in their minds. The map includes the starting point, destination, and themselves. Then they confirm the four cardinal directions: north, south, east, and west. They then align the directions in the real world with those on the map, and they can start their journey. They have the map imprinted in their minds as they walk.
But for girls, they rely on their feelings. They don’t have a map or a sense of direction in their minds. They don’t know where the destination is or which way to go. They remember the buildings or significant landmarks along the way. So most of the time, they think about where to turn left or right. Left and right are relative to them, centered around themselves. If their orientation changes, left and right change with them.
So when describing a location, you often hear girls say, “Yes, I’m across from that bank, there’s a public restroom nearby,” while boys usually say, “Hmm, I’m on this street, and the opposite is that street.”
Thinking differently between men and women is the root cause of many regrets.
…
When a man says, “Let’s stop contacting each other,” he genuinely means that he doesn’t want any relationship with you anymore. But when a woman says the same thing, she’s actually waiting for the other person to say, “Get lost, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m waiting for you downstairs!”
However, if a man thinks about it from his perspective, he will genuinely stop contacting you. On the other hand, a girl, thinking from her own perspective, will think, “Oh, I was right, he ran away so fast, he must not want to contact me anymore.”
In the end, a couple in love may become “don’t mention that jerk to me, I don’t know him!” Alas, it’s a terrible thing.
But life is already so difficult. It’s such a rare thing to find someone who loves you and whom you love. Don’t confine each other with these rules and regulations. Try to understand things from their perspective. Of course, you will still understand it from your own perspective, but that doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you understand that when you choose someone, you choose a life with that person.
If you choose true love, don’t think about what you can gain from the other person. If you choose to gain something from the other person, you have to endure the differences in thinking caused by hormonal disparities between men and women, and accept their inherent weaknesses or flaws. You also have to bear the so-called social responsibility and withstand the judgment of society.
What is society? It’s a place where most people are already mundane. It’s exhausting to measure this precious and rare feeling with colored glasses.
How can you maintain a long-lasting romantic relationship?
Firstly, you need to understand that you are two independent individuals with different ways of thinking.
But does it really matter? As long as you can open up together and rely on each other to get through, that’s already fulfilling.
In fact, every good relationship is like this: you believe in becoming a better person, not because of the different ways of thinking between the two, but rather because you constantly doubt whether you’re terrible. With this concept, you don’t have to worry about being overly concerned or feeling insecure. You will naturally get along well.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Nayeli Rosales on Unsplash
