I messed up so many dates in my life I lost count. A small percentage of what I did (or didn’t) ruined all my dates. But when I fixed that percentage of mistakes, everything changed.
It’s a much smoother sail once you nail down the basics with something you want to learn. Stick with me on this, and your dates will dramatically improve (read all the life lessons I learned here).
1. Take the lead
Women want you to lead. Period, end of story. If you don’t, you already mess up. Pay attention- I refer to leadership, not control. With leadership, you inspire others to follow you. With control, you tell others what to do with zero choice. Big difference.
A. Lead from the beginning. When you ask her out, don’t ask, “So you wanna go out?” Tell her instead: “Let’s go out this weekend. We can grab some drinks at this or that bar”. Words like “let’s” are key.
B. Properly set up the date. Some men ask the girl if she wants to go out, and she says yes. They then continue on this path and ask, “So what do you wanna do?” Oh god. Please don’t. Don’t do this shit. You’re already losing.
It’s your job to offer the time and place. You can tell her, “Let’s grab some drinks this weekend,” even without mentioning the location. After she says yes, you ask, “When is a good time for you?”
The last question prevents a situation where you throw all kinds of options she rejects because she isn’t available. She lets you know when is a good time for her. You check your schedule. If it works, you set it up. Otherwise, you pick a different time. As for location, look for a bar or cafe close by. Keep it simple.
C. Continue leading. Pick her up if it makes sense geographically. Makes her feel like a lady. Then, keep leading the way the entire evening. Lead the way to the cafe or bar. And then to your table. You wanna minimize the cognitive and mental load off her and help her relax and have fun.
2. A lil’ bit of empathy
Most guys are busy with “attraction” because they want the girl dripping wet five minutes into the date. But comfort matters much more than attraction. A girl might be attracted, but nothing will happen if she isn’t relaxed with you.
One of the best ways to “create” comfort is to listen and empathize with the person in front of you. What is she into? What makes her tick? What does she do for work? By giving her space, you help her relax. It doesn’t require any special skills or techniques.
It’s two people having a conversation and enjoying each other’s company. No agendas. No tricks or gimmicks. Just genuine interest in each other.
If you can do this, you’ll stand out from most men she met. She finally meets a guy who can have a conversation without needing to prove anything to himself or her. A guy she feels comfortable with. A guy she can trust.
3. Give her freedom
One of my worst agendas with women was trying to get laid no matter what. That was my top priority. I needed to prove to myself I could do it.
The problem was that girls sensed that from a mile away. And escaped me the second they realized it. When you need her so bad, you push her away. She feels dependent upon, under pressure, like you expect her from something. And that ain’t fun.
She can’t relax and be herself. What if she hurt you. And why would you be so needy anyway. Are you that desperate?
On the other hand, if you come in with minimum expectations, you stand out like a motherfucker. She feels free in your presence. She might wonder, “He doesn’t throw himself at me like the other guys I meet. Does he even like me?”
You’re more than just a fun guy. You’re a challenge.
You can’t fake that attitude. Again, it’s not some technique or trick. You genuinely have to not care about the outcome of each date. At least not that much.
4. No psycho mind games
A few years back, I read a book that advised men not to call a girl for a whole week after the date. That messed me up badly. Even if I wanted to call or text her, I didn’t. I texted her after a week- which came out of the blue.
Like, where was I all this time? Did I forget she exists? Do I text only when I’m bored or horny?
It’s like the old pickup routines men used to try. Magic tricks and stuff. We tried to manipulate women to get a certain result. And we crashed and burned till the end of time. While all we needed to do was to go with the flow.
So keep it real. Nowadays, I text even an hour after the date if I want. Works well as long as I mean it. Follow your instincts, and don’t hold yourself back.
5. Pay up
The easiest way to ruin your chances with a girl is not to pay for the date. What, she isn’t worth it? Is she not worth a $10 glass of beer? That’s the message you’re sending out if you don’t pay.
You don’t have to take her to a fancy restaurant on your first date (unless you want to). Some guys complain that “It’s not far!”. These are the guys that go home alone.
Being cheap is a turn-off. When the check comes, don’t look at her and wait for something to happen. Pull out your credit card or throw some cash on the table.
Conclusion
Take a girl out and give her a good time. That’s all there is to it. Make her feel special. Make her laugh. Flirt. Spice things up and compliment her. Tell her you like her eyes or smile. Listen to her story. Rihanna was right when she said, “Why don’t you make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world?”
Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected by Hundreds Of Women”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Sangria Señorial on Unsplash
