I have been known to have wild, vivid dreams. Some are lucid and I know I am in the midst of them and can alter the scenarios instantly, others I prefer to let play out as I am an amused witness to what my busy-buzzy brain formulates. There is plenty of fodder for them, as dreams are said to be a spillover from the events of the day or thoughts we have been holding onto, not yet processed.
Last night’s nocturnal musings were a doozy. It began with interactions with a man I knew in real life and not just dreamland. It was one of my former co-dependently dysfunctional relationships. Initially, I was attempting to charm him, doing what my deceased husband used to call being ‘an emotional contortionist who would bend over backward to please people’. Ironically, my husband who died in 1998, was one of those with whom I did those acrobatic, pretzel twisting machinations. All these years later, I have almost completely given that up for the sake of my mental health. My relationships are more fulfilling and I am far more transparent.
After the conversation that ended with the man walking off, I encountered a computer program called The Pivot. When I used it, I could think about situations from my past that I had viewed as painful and challenging and the system helped me to reframe it. It wasn’t spiritual or psychological bypass with an ‘it is what it is’ mindset. It assisted me in finding alternate perspectives that felt empowering and showed me what my life could have been like had I taken that new view.
An example dated back to my teens when I so wanted to fit in and wanted to be ‘one of the cool kids’, the way I saw the athletes and cheerleaders. It wasn’t until I was preparing to go to my 35th high school reunion and we began a group chat that I jokingly referenced that and people chimed in and said that they saw me as one of the cool kids and wanted to be like me. If only I realized that back in my sometimes awkward adolescence. When I look back now, I think about my activities that include swim team, Hebrew school, Ecology Club, being a Candy Striper at our local hospital, guitar lessons and volunteering at a recycling center that were also social interactions. I was a quirky kid who talked about out of the box subjects, so sometimes my peers looked at me as if I was from another planet. Now, at 68, I eagerly speak and write about those ideas without flinching. Imagine how much more confident I would have been if I saw myself the way some of my classmates did.
The scenes switched, one after the other, with career choices presenting themselves. I was able to look at what my life would have been like had I chosen journalism or library sciences over psychology and social work. Any of them would have been rewarding in their own way and would have brought me into contact with different folks than those I now know and love. Who knows? I might have crossed paths with my dear ones anyway.
The relationship chapters were the most telling. If I had the confidence I desired, it wouldn’t have mattered if those I wanted, wanted me. I had a revelation about sex. It wasn’t just for pleasure or getting closer to partners, but an affirmation of my worth and desirability. I cringe now when I consider the ‘what I did for love,’ aspects of earlier decades.
Now, as I am officially a seasoned women, I have encountered physical and cognitive challenges. I have not willingly embraced them, but am integrating them into my reality. There are moments, when words slip away like they are being erased from a white board. Those instances invite me to be creative and look for substitutes. Good thing I have an extensive vocabulary. There are times when fatigue, aches and pains invade my body and call on me to slow my roll, elevate my legs and take a nap. What I used to fight mightily, I reluctantly accept. There are some days when this former social butterfly who would flit, here, there and everywhere without thinking twice, would like nothing better than to sleep the day away. In the past, I would have seen that as non-productive. Now I see it as restorative. This got addressed with the Pivot program as well.
When I woke up, I felt a sense of accomplishment, feeling empowered to put into action what showed up on the dream screen.
What would you like to reframe from your past and present, to bring about a dazzling future? What would your own version of The Pivot teach you?
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