One of my students came to me with my book in their hand and said, “Mr. Ryan — will you sign this for me?” I was appalled first in that he had purchased my book and second in that he was coming to me to sign it for him.
I sat in my office with his book and I thought for a moment about what I should say to this young man that would stick with him. On the eve of him entering into his final year of secondary education, I was trying to find the right words that would leave a lasting effect on him.
Then it hit me.
“Do what you did in the beginning and there will never be an end.” -Tony Robbins
When this quote came to mind I knew I had to write it and give him some personal context to what it meant for him in his life. So I did just that.
Days later as I was running on the hamster wheel, this quote resurfaced again. As I am entering marriage here in just a few short weeks, I can’t help but be reminded of all the amazing things my partner has given to me since she walked into my life. I have also been reflecting on how amazing it is to find and nurture a loving relationship in one’s life. It is truly remarkable.
In my relationship as well as in all relationships that I am grateful for having in my life, I think this quote resonates highly with why we should do what we do in the beginning, all the time so that there is no end.
Here are six ways I apply this quote from Tony Robbins in my own life and with others to continually foster strong, resilient, nurturing relationships.
Go Deep
To having long-lasting relationships, you must go deep. This usually takes time but it must happen. I am not talking about chasing the long ball down the field, I am talking about diving into the depths of your heart with those you love. Continuously, proactively and in ways that are loving, caring and nurturing to both you and the person(s) you are opening up to.
Go Often
Too often, we think what we did in the beginning is enough to last our relationships for years. Well, ‘lasting’ is a much different mindset than ‘growing’. Grow coming from building and ‘lasting’ comes from complacency. When a builder builds a house, even though it may look ‘done’, there are always things on the inside which will take years to refine and finish. Once those things are finished, it will then be time to replace the roof. The point here is that a house takes a lot of work to build in the beginning, but they also take time to maintain and refine the house long after it is initially constructed. In fact, most homeowners spend 35% of their entire lives or ‘refining’ something within their home. Why should relationships be any different?
Go Quiet
I can’t say too much here to give away my next book (coming in 2020) but I will say this. Leadership in relationships requires comfortable solitude. You must be comfortable in your own solitude to be able to go through life growing your relationships quietly. Don’t be the loudest person in the room, just own the room quietly. Lead without a title and do what needs to be done, to get what you want to get.
Go First
In 2017, my partner and I decided to leave Canada. I decided it was best for me to go first to get a lay of the land and to pave the way for my partner so that her transition would be much easier. Sometimes to have no end, you must be willing to go first and without hesitation.
Go Last
When wolves travel as a pack, the oldest are often in the front of the pack as they are a bit slower and can set a manageable pace for the group. The middle group is often the strongest and the leaders are at the back of the pack ensuring that no one is left behind. If you never want to have an ending, sometimes you need to be at the back of the pack. This requires an abundance of patience, a heart of humility and a resilient mindset. Understanding the difference between when to go first and when to go last is vital.
Don’t Go
When in doubt, think. Relationships are like the tide. They are both pulled by the sun and the moon and that means there are elements of them which are out of your control. You must be able to read the tide, understand it’s power and strength, and determine if the decision to swim is now, in a couple of hours, or another day.
Go Now
I absolutely love watching NASCAR racing. When the green flag drops and 30+ cars with 850+ horsepower come barrelling down the front stretch, your heart almost vibrates out of your chest. By the time they enter the first turn, they are reaching speeds in excess of 155mph. It is phenomenal. If you want to create and maintain something great in your relationships, you must be willing to sometimes enter the first turn in your relationship at 155mph without hesitation. Simply put, you must act.
***
Tony’s quote is ‘spot on’ and I wish for everyone to build long-lasting relationships full of love, laughter, and life. Commit to this mindset this summer!
***
I wish for you to ‘go deep’ in your own life. For additional strategies on how to become more confident, organized, productive and successful in your life and vocation, I encourage you to pick up my latest book on Amazon: Thought Leadership.
—
This post was previously published on Medium.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Wil Stewart on Unsplash