Are you tired of being on endless dates that lead nowhere close to a relationship? Are you sick and tired getting rejection upon rejection?
Dating is hard. I know! Here’s what you will get from this story:
∘ The Problem
· The Step-by-step Solution
∘ Step 1 — Put yourself out there consistently
∘ Step 2 — Overcome your fear of rejection
∘ Step 3 — Better action begets confidence
∘ Step 4 — Believe in yourself
∘ Step 5 — Become the person you want in your life
Being single and looking for a partner can get challenging, especially when your options seem limited despite the plethora of dating apps and the millions of people on them swiping profiles left and right when they’re up in the lonely hours. Been there. I feel your pain.
Rejection hurts. It drowns all hope of finding love faster than you reach the end of this sentence. It makes you lose confidence in yourself. Dating is hard!
In these changing dating climates how can you overcome the pain of rejection quickly? And how can you gain your confidence that you will find success at the dating game? In this story, I will walk you through the steps to finding dating success one by one so that you find the person you are looking to share your life with.
The Step-by-step Solution
Step 1 — Put yourself out there consistently
When you are single and you really want to find someone to share your life with, you owe it to yourself to be willing to consistently put yourself out there. Think about it like a job application. You don’t just apply to one job, do you? You send out several application. You expect rejection. It is a part of the process. But does rejection make you give up entirely on finding that job? No, right? It’s the exact same thing. You have to try new strategies when the old ones don’t work for you anymore.
Remember, you’re not doing this for anyone else but for you. Because you want it. And you have to be strong and no give up on your search. Consistency is key in getting the results you seek. Try, tweak, test, repeat.
Step 2 — Overcome your fear of rejection
Just as you don’t give up on your job search, you don’t give up on your search for a worthwhile long-term partner. Accept the fact that most of them will reject you. This way when you’re met with rejection, you won’t feel so bad. You’re not supposed to match with everyone. You’re not going to match with everyone. Now think. If you usual job application strategies, fail what do you do? Do you keep doing the same thing and expect different results? Or do you try something not too many people are doing? And they’re the ones finding success because they dared to try, they dared to be unconventional, you see?
Now, just as you may walk-in and ask if there’s a need that you could fulfill at a work place, you go and ask people if they’d like to go out with you and get to know you, if they’re single and available. Most people are going the traditional route, and giving up due to frustration and failure. Here you have a chance to meet someone live in the flesh, as opposed to a profile and chat to them (which is very impersonal if you ask me).
Here’s a challenge for you. For one week, go out and ask ten people everyday for their number. At the end, even if you only have a handful of numbers, you stand a better chance in connecting with those people than you would with random strangers whom you have yet to meet on the dating app.
This exercise is for no one else except for you to overcome your fear of rejection. Give it a go and let me know how it went. All the best.
Step 3 — Better action begets confidence
If you want different results in your life, you have to take newer, bolder actions that will bring you out of your comfort zone. There’s no other way going about this. So take action.
If you’ve done steps 1 and 2, I’m sure you’ll start to feel better about yourself. This is key. I want you to watch this video. It demonstrates and drives home the message of your value like nothing else.
Just because someone rejects you, does it mean you don’t have value? Think of every rejection as a crease in the crushed $100 bill. The $100 bill never loses it’s value despite being crushed over and over! You have to keep reminding yourself of this when you’re putting yourself out there. You are exactly like that $100 bill. Good things take time, especially if you’re looking to build something meaningful. So be patience with yourself. Patience is not about waiting. It is having a good attitude while you’re waiting.
By doing this you’re clearly communicating (to the universe) that you are worth it. You are valuable and that someone who values you will come into your life.
Your feeling good about yourself is more important than what other people tell you that may temporarily boost your confidence. If you’re seeking validation, even if some people validate you, it doesn’t hold weight unless you feel you’re worth it. It needs to come from within you. Your active participation in your own life is you giving yourself the permission to be loved.
When you’re in this frame of mind, your confidence will boost. You will know because you will hold yourself up differently. You will smile more because you’re this happy confident person who believes in him/herself, and not because someone told you.
Step 4 — Believe in yourself
As you gain confidence and overcome your fear of rejection, you will start believing in yourself. Why? Because through your repetitive action of putting yourself out there consistently, you drive home the message that you are worthy of a beautiful relationship with someone. And then it is only a matter of time before that special someone walks into your life… accepts you as their own and stays for the long-term.
Step 5 — Become the person you want in your life
Too many single dating coaches will give you short cuts and quick fixes. I promise to not mislead you, because following them lead me nowhere close to a relationship. This is why, should you choose to get help, you’re better of getting advice from someone who is where you want to be and they can give you advice from both perspectives, i.e. yours and that of the opposite sex. I speak to heterosexual people seeking heterosexual relationships.
From time to time, I ask my husband to guide my female clients, because I know that as a woman my perception of a man is incomplete or limited. As a man, he knows how another man thinks. This gives my client a better understanding of how she can conduct herself moving forward in order to the result she wants. I share strategies that have worked for me first, and now for my clients.
You have to know the type of person you seek to be in a relationship. For this you really have to get to know yourself. The more you know yourself, the better you know what works for you and what doesn’t. You have to become that which you want to attract, because you attract who you are. Don’t look for the right person. Instead focus on becoming the right person. The rest will come in time. I promise.
No one said dating is going to be easy. Anyone who says that to you has an agenda to mislead you. Please be warned. If you can, envision yourself in the type of relationship you seek. Trust me, it is totally worth it, because your pain will vanish, and none of that stuff you cried over will matter. You are worth it.
Keep putting yourself out there. Do everything in your power to overcome your fear of rejection. Take better, bolder actions if you seek different results. Keep believing in yourself. Stay focused on becoming the person you desire to be in a relationship with. Prioritize joy and happiness. Choose to be happy, because happiness is an inside job. And then when someone wonderful comes along, you and them are ‘happier’ people.
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
From The Good Men Project on Medium
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