As you safely visit your family and friends, do a check-in with yourself.
Do I still have anger towards ______? Is there something unsaid between you and_______?
This is making a conscious decision to grow, learn, and heal yourselves and rocky relationships.
I recall visiting my mother and family in Miami for the holidays a few years ago, and I felt so frustrated staying with my mother.
As soon as my plane landed, 4;45pm, my mother calls me, “Where are you? I am waiting.” “I just landed, mother.” The frustration had already started, but I told myself to breathe, but it was one thing after another. We ended up fighting in the grocery store that led to a long silent car ride home.
I called my cousin, “Why is she always ON ME?” I just wanted to tell her, “Getaway and get out of my face.” We laughed.
The next day during my morning mediation, I realized something that really shifted my mind.
I thought, “What is the context that I am viewing her in that is causing this frustration?” I am a relationship coach, so I was coaching myself because I remember my new commitment to having a happy and loving family. I was reading, “You can heal your life.” And I had just written down my declaration to have a loving experience at home.
As I reflected on my thoughts, The first thing that came to mind was, “She’s annoying.” What actions am I taking to keep this belief about my mother alive? And the reality of my actions and my behavior became apparent. I needed to change.
“What if I changed that thought too, She is loving?” At that moment, I realized, “Oh, she just misses me.” “HELLO JIMMY, She hasn’t seen in a year and a half, and this is her chance to love on you, duh.”
So when my mother came into “check-in” on me while I was reading, I’d stop everything I was doing, took a deep breath, and became aware of my new commitment, and then something happened. We didn’t fight. Although she had not changed, she was still behaving the same way; I had stopped reacting because I was committed to loving her. My relationship has shifted.
When I stopped saying to myself, “Oh boy, here she comes!” to “I am going to love her right now.” I had coached myself into being open, vulnerable, and ready to receive her just the way she is and the way she is not.
When we shift the context of how we view our family or even the holidays, and we take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, we can literally change our environment and relationships with one thought at a time.
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Previously Published on Instagram
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