How to Spot a Cheater on Dating Apps

The sad reality is that not everyone on dating apps is single. Some are dating multiple people (but leading them to believe they’re in an exclusive relationship). Some are living with their partner or spouse. Some are playing the on-again, off-again game with their significant other.

Although no sign guarantees someone’s relationship status, there are behavioral patterns to look out for. Knowing how to spot cheating red flags can save you unnecessary heartbreak later.

Here’s how to spot a cheater on dating apps.

1. They Don’t Have a Profile Photo (Or Real Name)

We’ve all come across them: someone who has photos of their body, conveniently cropping their face off. It might be a gym photo with abs or a suit and tie photo in a hotel room, but you’re not even sure what they might look like.

Cheaters go on dating apps with one thought in mind: don’t get caught. The best way to do this is not be recognizable. They might use a nickname in their profile or “Moderated.” A lot of the time, they put in their profile that they can’t show their face because of their career. But let’s be real: they’re just trying to hide. And someone trying to hide is likely hiding from someone.

2. They’re Only Available During Work Hours

I once talked to a guy from a dating app who would go M.I.A. during the evenings and weekends. When I noticed his pattern, I confronted him about it, and he had some excuse that he was using a company phone and could only message me during work hours.

It all made sense: when we talked about meeting up, he had suggested doing it during his lunch hour. He had claimed that the kids would keep him busy at night.

He was clearly married (or at least living with someone).

If someone seems to only text you while they’re working and goes quiet the rest of the time, they’re probably in a committed relationship.

3. Their Stories Never Seem to Add Up

When you talk to a cheater on a dating app, it will often feel like something is… off.

Their stories never seem to add up, and things don’t always make sense. They might omit things, or you might catch them in little white lies. They’ll often have vague answers, especially when it comes to their living situation or availability.

The truth is, some people are private. But if it’s a consistent pattern, it could mean they’re a cheater.

4. They’re Overly Flirty

A lot of the time, cheaters want to cut straight to the chase with fast intimacy. They’ll flirt with you faster than most other people on dating apps would. They’ll try to form a quick emotional connection to gain your trust early on.

Sometimes, it’s to satisfy their own egos. Other times, it’s because they’re planning a quick physical affair with you. Over-the-top flirting early on can come across as love-bombing. And whether they’re a cheater or narcissist, love-bombing can be a huge red flag.

5. They Avoid Answering Questions About Their Past Relationships

People who aren’t technically single tend to avoid answering questions about their relationship status, as well as their previous relationship.

When you ask them directly if they’re single, they’ll often have a vague or indirect response. And when you ask them about when or how their last relationship ended, their responses will be even vaguer.

If you ask them if they’re single, they’re likely to say things like:

“It’s complicated.”
“Let’s not talk about the past. Let’s talk about us.”
“I’m ‘basically’ single.”
“That’s messy. It will be over soon.”
“Just tying up loose ends.”

If someone is single, the answer won’t be messy or complicated. But with a cheater, it will always be complicated.

The Bottom Line

If you suspect that someone you’re talking to on a dating app is a cheater, it’s important to trust your gut. It rarely steers you wrong.

Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything. While it might be tempting to investigate and let their partner know that they’re cheating, you’re better off staying out of it.

You owe it to yourself to date someone who’s honest and open. The right connection won’t feel messy or complicated; it will come effortlessly, with full transparency and without defensiveness.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.