Narcissists are drawn to dating apps. It can be a great way for them to easily find new supply. This can be alarming for anyone who’s looking to find a healthy relationship on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or any other dating app.
Fortunately, narcs tend to give themselves away on dating apps. As long as you know the signs, it can be easy to protect yourself from getting tangled up with these toxic people. Here are some tips on how to spot a narcissist on dating apps.
They Go Out of Their Way to Charm You
Is the person you’re talking to coming across as overly flirtatious and charming? It could be a sign that they’re going out of their way to love bomb you — a manipulation strategy narcissists use that involves showering their victims with affection in order to reel them in.
They Make You Feel Like You Have a Special Connection
On a dating app, a narcissist might tell you that you’re different or special. They might say they’ve never felt this way before about anyone else who they’ve matched with. They’ll do everything they can to convince you that you’re the one for them — even before you’ve actually met.
They Start Using Terms of Endearment Right Away
If the person you’re talking to starts calling you “babe”, “sweetheart” or “honey” early on, this could be a red flag. Narcissists — and other types of manipulators — tend to use terms of endearment to try to build a closer connection with you.
They Want to Get You Off the App ASAP
Narcissists move fast — so fast that they might ask you to be exclusive before you’ve even met IRL. Once you’ve had your first date, they will likely want to put a title on it right away and ask you to get off Tinder (or whatever app you met on).
This can be appealing, especially if you’ve ever dealt with situationships or commitment phobes. But don’t be fooled. It’s not healthy to make a commitment to someone before you’ve gotten to know someone — let alone before you’ve even met them.
They Talk About the Future (And It Sounds Too Good to Be True)
When we’re excited about someone we’re talking to, we undoubtedly think about the future. But most of us don’t think about future plans — or express them, anyway — until after we meet our dates.
It’s normal and healthy to mention going on a second date after you’ve already met someone who you clicked with. A narcissist, on the other hand, might start talking about future vacations, how you’ll celebrate holidays, and even weddings and children before you’ve even met. These plans generally won’t come to fruition — even if the relationship works out.
This tactic is known as “future faking.” Although some narcissists might be faking it from the get-go to love bomb their victims, others tend to get caught up in the excitement of the moment, only to lose interest in these future plans later on.
They Share Traumatic Stories Early On
Does it feel like the person you’re talking to is sharing their traumatic past too fast? If so, it could be a red flag that you’re talking to a narc.
Narcissists use trauma as manipulation tools to build trust. For example, they might tell you about a time when they were cheated on. The goal will be to gain your trust in them. There’s no way they could ever cheat on you when they’ve experienced that themselves. Meanwhile, they’re probably already talking to their next victim.
Sometimes, the trauma a narcissist talks about might not even exist. But oftentimes, you may never even know what’s true and what’s a lie.
They Demand You to Respond to Them Right Away
If someone messages you often and gets annoyed or irritated if you don’t respond to them right away, they could be a narcissist. Narcissists feel entitled and believe they deserve your constant attention. They’ll also try to occupy your time to ensure that you’re not busy focusing on someone else.
These are just some ways you can spot a narcissist on dating apps. Any time you talk to someone new, it’s important to trust your gut instinct. If something feels off or too good to be true, it just may be.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Steven Cordes on Unsplash
