When we meet someone romantically, they have the potential to amplify and add to all of the good in our lives — or slowly poison it.

Today, I don’t want to talk about the generic qualities that make someone a good partner — like kindness, loyalty, or the ability to be a proactive teammate. In this video, I want to share what I’ve learned after 17 years of helping people find love about what specifically makes someone right for you.

This insight won’t just help you spot the right person — it also holds a very important key to overcoming the rejections that may have hurt your confidence in the past.

When Someone Feels Like “The One”

Picture a scenario: You meet someone who appears to be exactly the kind of person you see yourself with. They look like your type — face, hair color, body shape, ethnicity. It all lines up with the picture you’ve had in your mind.

They’re charismatic and charming in all the ways you find attractive. They carry themselves how you hoped. They have your sense of humor and what I call “unique pairings”: goofy and sexy, ambitious and playful, confident and humble.

This person might feel right on paper and right in your heart. And when that happens, we hold on tight, hoping our dreams don’t get crushed.

When the “Right Person” Rejects Us

Then it happens — they tell you they no longer want to continue dating or being in a relationship. And it hurts. Badly.

This isn’t betrayal from cheating or love bombing. It’s a deeper kind of pain — being rejected by someone you felt was right for you.

But here’s the truth: none of those earlier factors alone make someone right for you. They contribute — but they miss a crucial ingredient.

Awesome Person ≠ Right Person

We are all humans. We all have our stuff — insecurities, patterns, behaviors. Some of that stuff makes us awesome, and some makes us difficult.

Audrey and I have our stuff too. When we first met, we had even more of it. That “stuff” made us too much for other people. And that hurt. But those people weren’t wrong for walking away — they just weren’t right for us.

Someone can be awesome and still be the wrong person for you. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means they weren’t the right match.

I’ve realized I’m wrong for most people. But Audrey understands my anxious moments. I understand her sensitivity. And we choose to show up for each other because of that mutual understanding.

How You’ll Know If It’s the Right Relationship

There’s a lot of content out there that says it’s not our job to make someone else happy. And that’s true — but relationships are still about helping each other get through life.

The goal is to find someone we enjoy helping — and who enjoys helping us. Not someone who resents our struggles.

Every relationship hits speed bumps. The right one doesn’t fall apart when it does.

Ironically, when someone stays after hitting a speed bump that ended things with someone else — it can give you the safety and healing you need to stop those same patterns.

Lessons from “A Real Pain”

I recently watched the movie A Real Pain — the one Kieran Culkin won an Oscar for. It showed two imperfect characters: David (Jesse Eisenberg), who takes responsibility for his struggles, and Benji (Kieran Culkin), who doesn’t.

David says: “I take a pill for my OCD, and I jog, and I meditate, and I go to work, and I move forward.” He still struggles, but he’s trying. And he has a wife who chose him despite that.

David may be wrong for many people — but not for her. That’s what matters. He found someone who gets him.

Finding Someone Who Gets Your “Stuff”

The person who is perfect for us is far from perfect. They are someone who sees the whole package — the light and the dark — and chooses it. They understand and accept our flaws while also seeing what makes us special.

And when we meet that person, we’ll feel more secure when we leave their side — not less. Because they won’t just impress us with their qualities — they’ll make us feel seen, too.

We have no idea what that person will look like. And that’s what makes a farce of our checklist-based idea of what our “type” is. In reality, love often shows up when we least expect it — and it usually doesn’t look like what we thought.