There are many people who feel starting the no-contact process with an ex is what’s best for them. However, actually doing it is a completely different story. When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s not always easy to know how to take the first step forward. If you’re wondering how to start the no-contact process, the following tips may be able to help.
Don’t Go the Ghosting Route
You’re probably wondering what ghosting has to do with no contact with an ex. If you and your ex agreed to remain friends after the breakup and/or you discussed still conversing in some way, ghosting them after that conversation isn’t okay.
Have the courtesy to contact them and explain your decision. Not doing so beforehand will likely only hurt them and leave them wondering what happened.
Don’t Involve Friends or Family Members
If you’re starting to go through no contact, don’t get other people involved. For example, don’t ask them to tell you what your ex has been up to or have them accidentally slip to your ex what you’ve been doing and where you’ve been going. Let it be.
Explain to your family members and friends that you don’t want to hear anything about your ex and would appreciate it if they don’t say anything to your ex about you.
Don’t Respond to Communication
Don’t respond if your ex reaches out, whether it’s via text, call, email, or social media message. They might even purposely say things to try to elicit a response from you. It will likely be tempting to contact them back, but don’t give in. Block them if you have to.
It doesn’t mean you’ll have to leave them blocked forever, but it might be an important step for you while you’re healing through no contact.
Keep Off Their Social Media
Don’t put yourself through added stress by looking at their social media. Remove yourself from their pages if you need to if it will help you avoid the temptation. Checking won’t do you any good, especially if you might see something that will only upset you.
Don’t Put Yourself in Their Path
When you start going no contact, avoid putting yourself in your ex’s path, whether it’s on purpose or accidentally. For example, don’t show up to their work or drive past their house. If you know they usually go to a specific place, such as a bar every Friday night, consider going elsewhere. A run-in may be more detrimental than any electronic contact.
Make Plenty of Plans
It’s time to fill your calendar with plans to keep yourself busy. However, as much as you might want to fill your spare time with events and plans with loved ones, don’t forget the most significant person: yourself.
Scheduling plans with yourself might sound silly, but having them in your calendar is one of the best ways to ensure you stick to them.
For example, take a boxing class, join a cooking class, see a movie in the theater, sit home and binge-watch a TV show, or go back to school. You’re so important, and it’s essential to treat yourself as such.
There’s no set time frame for how long you should go no contact with an ex. The process is about you and your healing and not about them. It shouldn’t be about revenge, being petty, or hoping they’ll come crawling back. Going no contact will likely be a painful process, but going through that pain rather than trying to sidestep it can be one of the best ways to put yourself on a positive path to healing.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Andrew Jones on Unsplash
