A publisher removed me from a publication. No words were involved. Their whole policy is silence. How I put up with that is because I accepted they are hurt.
Do you sometimes feel that you’ve been ignored, or sidelined? It’s nothing personal. The person doing it is damaged. As is the person who shouts, or any other disagreeable behavior.
The world is full of hurt people who hurt people. All you can do is accept it. Depending on how you are wired, you can gently say something, call them out on it, or give as good as you get.
This is about you. You need to put yourself first in this instance. Mental health is precious. Don’t waste your breath on someone who will not hear you.
- If it work, do you stay?
- If it is a relationship, can you talk it through?
- If it is a friend, are they worth it? It may be out of character
- If it is family, can you deal with it?
If the answer is no, change is needed. You can get another job, even it is a nuisance. If it is romance, there are other people to be with. If it is a friend, make sure they are OK, if it is family, find a strategy.
Life is difficult enough. We don’t need destruction in our lives. Someone I know of invites her ‘clients’ to experience negative feelings on purpose. This appals me. We get enough of those already just being in the world.
I’ve been lied to, sworn at, gaslighted, ghosted. I do not invite anyone to experience negative feelings. I try to help find solutions.
Stand up for yourself. If this is new, do it in baby steps. Say you prefer a different drink or whatever it may be. Ask for a slightly longer lunch break because you need to take a walk. Stop being a gopher for the work place.
This is liberating as long as it is appropriate. We are not door mats, nor servants.
Find what is comfortable but speak about your feelings, do not use accusations. So, ‘I feel…’ not ‘You make me…’
This is how to not hurt people. This is very basic and only a beginning. Please do not hurt people. Only hurt people hurt people.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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