I Am Single, Post-Election Style

I spent most of this year in a relationship which was, at times, tumultuous. Much of the turmoil stemmed from the fact that I thought I knew him, but in reality, I didn’t know anything meaningful.

We’d run in the same social circles for decades; he was close friends with my first husband for a number of years. Yet, with all of the crossing of paths we had done, it seems we didn’t know anything of substance about one another.

There were a lot of little quirks I overlooked because I try not to sweat things that really aren’t of any consequence at the end of the day. Small annoyances, lifestyle and time management and finances. All of those things can be worked out in the form of an app or a spreadsheet, in all honesty.

Then the election drew near. In the blink of an eye, I learned I could not continue to entertain a relationship with this man. He comes from a long line of Trumpers, and he won’t directly admit it to me, but he is a Trumper himself.

Welcome to Trump Country!

The doormat at his momma’s house read. I am not known for keeping opinions to myself, but I also have learned over the years that getting along with your mother-in-law is a fundamental part of maintaining a relationship.

Instead, I bit my tongue, and avoided political segues, and ensured that part of what makes me a warrior was hidden away, that I had made myself small. I dimmed much of what burns in my soul to fit in at dinner parties with fascists.

Project 2025

I started reading and deciphering the literature with a group of women from a feminist Reddit thread, tackling portions here and there to get a real read on what was coming down the pipeline. As I began to get a full snapshot of the Heritage Foundation plan for us, I realized so much of it would affect his daughter, who was 10.

She went home and told her grandmother that if she were of voting age, she would have voted for Obama. I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud as I was at that moment, because I knew I had not been talking to a wall. She had heard what I was telling her, and she believed in the message and the way of life. I am tearing up now typing this, because she is the child of a teen mother with an older sister who is a teen mother, and I just wanted better for her.

I just wanted her to have a fighting chance.

As the implications of a GOP win were painted on the wall, I watched in horror while the terrible gnashing of teeth took form. Before me was a monster, the kind I had never slayed, and it was threatening to swallow up a child I shared my home with 3 days every week.

They acted as though they hadn’t heard of it.

The entire family. Like it was the first time it was a topic of conversation when I asked how they could be on board with a plan that would virtually enslave this girl child they were raising. They didn’t even bat an eyelash at the mention of ending no-fault divorce. For me, that was the last straw.

I’ll be damned if any woman I know is stuck in a marriage with a horrible man. I know domestic abuse all too well, and ending no-fault divorce is handing Tina to Ike and telling her, “I’m sure you’ll learn to endure”.

All of the respect I had for my partner began to wither away in the sunlight. I couldn’t unsee what was so glaringly obvious to me now. He’s a Trumper, he’s an enemy to women, and he was never on my team.

…

His dismissive attitude about my work, it meant something different now.

It wasn’t new relationship clinginess; it was a complete lack of respect for my ambition. He couldn’t be bothered to care if he was interrupting an important call or wrecking my train of thought during a column. To put it simply, what I was doing and planning to take on didn’t mean shit to him.

As though I was sitting around knitting or painting my nails. Like I wasn’t advocating for women in bad situations. As though I was a joke to him.

I knew before hurricane season was over I would be gone with the change of the season. He was so flabbergasted I would walk out over a political issue, but it was so much more than that. It was a pattern.

When I took a step back and surveyed the landscape, it was bare of anything I had ever sown. There was no sign of me there, I had become so small in my daily existence. I allowed the threat of making waves to force me to be still.

In our house, fascism had already come for me, and it had won.

I packed the Tahoe and put a harness on Puffin.

We were back in The Bay before sunrise. I didn’t even leave a note. What more could I have said to someone who obviously had never heard a word I had said?

I didn’t break up with him because we don’t see eye to eye, politically. I left because the only future I could have with him would be without any hope of being the woman I fought so hard to become. I owe her more than that.

She saved my life. It was only right that I save hers.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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