Elia Espinosa confronts herself about the man who provided the other half of her genetic material
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I am the Fetus of an Affair
by Elia Espinosa
I am the fetus of an affair
I wonder how long it would have taken mother to tell me, before I found out from someone else. I hear a heart beating
I see almond eyes staring into a brown-skinned oval shaped woman
I want to know who I am
I am the fetus of an affair
I pretend I know who I am, the child who came from Mother
I feel madness, because I grew up hearing that I looked like Father, a man I never knew, but a man that I look so much like
I touch my long fingers as mother says, “You have your father’s fingers.” Who is Father? Who am I?
I worry I will never know who I am
I cry myself to sleep every night, wondering if one day he’ll pass by. Just a glimpse is all I need.
I am the fetus of an affair
I understand my father never wanted me, that is why he left.
I say “screw him,” I didn’t need him anyway
I dream of marrying a man who could be father to my children, the father I never had.
I try to close to eyes so I won’t see the man who left me behind
I hope to be twice as good a mother as the one I had
I am the fetus of an affair.
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