I Don’t Believe in Soulmates

We meet so many people on a regular basis, and it’s pretty easy to find someone you have such a strong connection with, that you would think is your soulmate. But our lives are so unpredictable that we could never know if someone is our soulmate for sure.

After all, we don’t decide who we meet and when we meet them, instead, I think it’s completely up to chance, and I’m going to tell you why.

A story from my best friend

My best friend dated a girl about 6 years ago, they were together for a year and then they broke up. After 3 years they got back together and started dating again. But then my best friend had to move outside the country, and they broke up shortly after he moved.

While they were dating, they always thought they were each other’s soulmates and I can say that they were definitely in love.

It really felt like they were each other’s soulmates, so how come it didn’t work out between them? And how come so many other so-called “soulmates”, end up breaking up or divorcing?

I think it’s because soulmates don’t actually exist. But, let’s consider another scenario which I call the Paris scenario.

The Paris scenario

Imagine you take a trip to Paris where you meet a girl (or a boy) you fall in love with, and you decide to move there to be with them. But things don’t work out and you end up breaking up. You might have thought this person was your soulmate, but it didn’t work out.

Now imagine after you break up with this amazing girl/guy you were dating, you meet someone else. This time, it all works out. You get together, marry, have kids, and live happily ever after.

Could this person have been your soulmate all along, and you had to move to Paris and date that other person just so that you could find your actual soulmate? Maybe, but you never know for sure.

The way I see it, circumstance decides who we fall in love with.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea that everyone has a soulmate. And I’m definitely one of those guys who believes in fairytales and love at first sight; I’m also very romantic. But, I’ve just grown a more realistic perspective after my last heartbreak which could also explain why I don’t believe in soulmates.

I think the Marshals and Lilys and the Chandlers and Monicas are out there.

But, if you do find someone you fall in love with and end up spending the rest of your life with, does that really mean that person was your soulmate; or was it just due to chance that you guys met in the first place?

I don’t think we could ever know.

I want you to consider it this way; think about the Paris scenario again, but this time, imagine you never took that trip to Paris. Instead, you went to Canada where you met someone you fell in love with and ended up spending the rest of your life with. Does that mean that your soulmate is actually still in Paris, but you just never met them?

Now, do you see how you could easily meet someone you think is your soulmate at any time given the circumstances?

The way I see it, we don’t have just one soulmate. The dictionary.com definition of a soulmate is:

“A person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond.”

So, maybe I’m just thinking about it the wrong way. Maybe we don’t have just one soulmate. Maybe there’s plenty of people you could fall in love with and feel a strong connection with, to the point that you feel like they’re your soulmate. But circumstance decides if you meet them or not.

I may be wrong, after all

With all that said, I do admit that I could be wrong. I might have just lost faith in soulmates because I haven’t met mine yet. But, finding my soulmate isn’t really something that I can control. The only thing that I can control is my mindset and perspective. Therefore, I believe that everything happens for a reason and that if I really have a soulmate, I’m going to find her one day.

Thanks for reading this story, let me know what you thought of it and if you’ve found your soulmate 😊

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Previously published on medium

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