I was actually reasonably good at getting their numbers, but something always used to stop me from getting from point A to point B. In the beginning, flirting was like trying to juggle water balloons — awkward and often ending in a soaking wet mess. But once I got the knack, my phone was popping with new numbers like popcorn in a microwave. The problem was, for every five kernels that popped, only one turned into a satisfying piece of popcorn. I was getting lots of numbers but hardly any responses.
I figured out why when I really hit it off with one incredibly attractive woman I met at Krogers (Tesco).
I needed to stay in the conversation longer.
The Art of Engagement: Why You Should Stay in the Conversation Longer
Yes, you should keep the conversation going.
Why?
Cause if you get an attractive woman’s number and then leave immediately. To some women, this could appear transactional and fabricated. It might leave her feeling cheap and objectified. As if you just wanted to get her number for some pathetic ego-boosting attempt.
It’s that pivotal instance of a number exchange — a moment both rewarding and intimidating, where two previously unknown entities transform into potential partners that never happens when you get her number and then scurry away like a little mouse who’s gotten the cheese.
Many men tend to believe, quite incorrectly, that obtaining the phone number signals the end of a conversation. They swiftly exit, clutching that set of digits like a trophy. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
In 2008, a study titled “The Role of Conversation in Health Promotion,” published in the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity underscored the significance of communication in establishing meaningful connections. The study revealed that meaningful communication is the bedrock of effective relationships. What this means in the context of dating is that staying in the conversation after a number exchange is far more important than we realize. You have to somehow stick around for a minute or so later to passively remind her why she gave you her number in the first place. Securing a woman’s number is not the victory but the gateway to it. It is through a meaningful continuation of dialogue that we remind the other person of the mutual resonance that inspired the initial connection.
For example, let’s say you’ve met a woman at a chill, low-key bar, and you’ve just gotten her number after suggesting you go to a local museum. Spend 3–4 minutes talking about any of these topics :
Recall a past topic– Recalling something interesting from your earlier interaction and extending it. For instance, “You mentioned you love hiking. Have you been to any interesting trails recently?”
Future Plans– Ask about her plans for the rest of the day or the weekend. It could trigger a deeper conversation about her interests and hobbies. E.g., “So, any exciting plans for this weekend?”
Shared Experiences or Interests– If you already know about some common interests, delve deeper into those. For example, “Since we both love cooking, have you ever tried any exotic cuisines or dishes?”
Humor– Light-hearted jokes or funny anecdotes can keep the conversation flowing and make it memorable. Like, “You know what’s funny? I used to be absolutely terrible at cooking, to the point that even my dog would run away from the kitchen!”
Give Compliments — Genuine compliments can make the person feel good and keep the conversation going. “You have a great sense of humor. I enjoy our conversation a lot.”
Opinions and Thoughts– Ask for her thoughts on something you both talked about or something that you know she’s interested in. For example, “You mentioned you love reading. What’s been your favorite book this month?”
Remember, the aim is to build a connection and establish a foundation for future conversations, not to bombard the person with questions. Keeping the conversation balanced, with you both contributing roughly equally, is the key. Try to be genuine and attentive, and make sure your questions and comments flow naturally from the conversation.
Contrary to popular belief, the number exchange isn’t the end but rather the beginning of a new phase of interaction. It’s a transition from ‘stranger to stranger’ to a more meaningful ‘man to woman’ communication. This shift opens up the doors for deeper connections and understanding, enabling both parties to delve beyond the superficial. With every number exchange, we are sowing the seeds of possibility, a chance to transform an ephemeral encounter into a narrative of shared depth and connection.
Acclaimed author and psychologist Dr. David G. Myers once wrote, “We can’t empathize with others until we’ve walked in their shoes.” If we want to forge meaningful connections, we need to challenge ourselves and our potential women to venture beyond the superficial. But how do we achieve this?
Give Her a Very Light Challenge
After obtaining the phone number, one powerful technique is to invite her to share something unexpected about herself lightly. This can be achieved by first sharing something personal, something that reveals vulnerability and invites trust. When you say, “I usually don’t talk about this,” you communicate that you are sharing something special, establishing a zone of trust.
Example :
You: “I usually don’t just blurt out how much I love Harry Potter, so let’s hear yours.”
Her: “my what?”
You: “Share me something lightly cringy you usually wouldn’t tell a stranger.”
In psychology, there is a concept known as reciprocity of self-disclosure, where individuals are more likely to share personal information when others have done so first. The psychologist Arthur Aron, in his groundbreaking paper “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness” (1997), emphasizes the role of reciprocal and gradually escalating self-disclosure in creating closeness between strangers.
After establishing this newfound level of conversation, remain engaged and appreciative of their disclosure. Remember to express genuine interest and admiration, reinforcing the connection that is being formed. Please, please be sincere and genuine. Women are far more socially collaborated than we are. They get some goober with his dick in his hands, trying to hit on them far more than you realize, so please be sincere.
An excellent ending could be expressing a subtle excitement to meet again to continue this fascinating exchange. This step will resonate with your potential partner if you’ve truly connected on a deeper level. It’s a little nerve-racking for some. So here are some examples to use. Please don’t say this verbatim; modify them and make them your OWN!
Well, it’s not every day that I stumble upon such an intriguing conversation. Shall we dare to continue this next Tuesday?”
- “A good conversation is like a fine wine — it only gets better with time. I’m certainly looking forward to uncorking the next one.”
- “Ever heard of a book you can’t put down? This conversation feels a lot like that. I do hope the author is considering a second volume.”
- “I feel like the universe’s nudge for us to continue this dialogue somewhere even more exciting. Consider me game if you are.”
- “You know, I think we’ve just stumbled upon an incredible conversation. I’m certainly game for another spin on the dance floor.”
- “A captivating conversation like this is the pilot episode of a potentially great series. Looking forward to streaming the next one with you.”
- “A good dialogue, they say, is a journey. How about we map out our next expedition soon?”
Now look, these are all incredibly corny. But that’s the idea, dummy. A stupid endearing way so she’ll remember how comfortable you are poking fun at yourself and making things less intense. It’s like slipping on the clown’s nose, a playful nod to our own folly. The intent is to weave a patchwork of shared laughter, stitching in a charm of whimsical self-deprecation that serves as the armor against the intensity of meeting a stranger.
Staying in the conversation longer is not merely about stretching the canvas of time; it’s more like casting a net into the vast ocean of human connection, hoping to reel in the shimmering gems of authenticity and reciprocal vulnerability. It’s like the dance of a sculptor with their marble, chipping away at the facade to reveal the masterpiece that was always there, hidden beneath the surface of conservative social norms society beat us over the head with. This delicate dance, this sublime art, holds the power to morph the hues of your relationships and, by extension, the landscape of your life.
Staying in the conversation longer is not just about extending the time spent talking. It’s about opening up avenues for meaningful connections, authenticity, and reciprocal vulnerability. It’s a subtle art, but one that can transform your communication skills and get just a little bit closer.
In a golden field full of discourse, those who linger longer reap a richer harvest of connection and understanding that might last a lifetime.
So the next time you get a cute girl’s number. Don’t thank her and leave. But stick around for a couple of minutes more.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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