My stomach is in knots. I am meeting my ex-husband at the bank. I’ve only encountered him a few times in the past several years. Unfortunately, I’m desperate enough to meet him.
The hotel and travel expenses are high.
My boys and I aren’t in a position to pay them in entirety.
My ex-husband isn’t happy.
He insists I should have been more prepared for the wedding. He says our other boys should have been too. In reality, we’ve spent years recovering from the financial abuse he inflicted.
This includes ruining the credit of our younger sons.
When my ex-husband canceled their health insurance, doctors bills went unpaid. At that time, they still showed up on credit reports. Hence, my two younger boys, and I have no access to any degree of credit.
My ex-husband refuses to contribute.
Even when I tell him I am chipping in, as our the boys.
But God works in mysterious ways.
He suddenly says I need to meet him at the bank.
He’s received a tax refund that has both of our names on it. He can’t cash it without my signature. He’s tried that in the past but the bank knows our situation.
I’m fed up.
It’s never enough for my ex-husband.
He lied, cheated, hid, and got away with all of our assets. The monthly amount I receive as a 50% owner of our business is 75% lower than it should be because he wrote off imaginary expenses, and siphoned money.
Our son and his fiance are paying for their entire wedding.
But my ex-husband can’t be rational.
Especially when it comes to money.
First, I call out the obvious or should I say the dubious.
“You just received a tax refund from 2013?” I say. “The IRS just sent you an 11 year old reimbursement?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Where does it say 2013?” I ask.
“Oh,” he says. “In the letter they sent with it.”
I’m suspicious.
My ex-husband is highly aggravated.
He’s only relenting to give me $1,000 because he’s received a check he needs my signature to cash. The check is for nearly $2,000.
I now suspect he may have hidden money in my name since I was President, and 50% owner. A subpoena wouldn’t have been issued to check for that.
We’ve been divorced for six years.
I’m finding it difficult to believe we are just now receiving an IRS refund.
“Can you just give me the entire check to pay for the wedding expenses?” I ask.
“No,” he says.
“You hid all of our money, and you took everything we own,” I say. “You have millions of dollars. I’ll never have the ability to retire. When will it be enough for you? This isn’t about us. It’s about our son’s wedding. I don’t have the ability to come up with thousands of dollars.”
“I don’t have anything,” he says.
“Stop lying,” I say. “It’s been proven. What you did was wrong. I built that business with you, and the investment properties, and I raised our children. It was my money too.”
“No,” he says. “It was not your money. It’s my money.”
My ex-husband’s truth comes out.
A diagnosed narcissist who lacks empathy on the severe end of the spectrum.
He delusionally believes it all belongs to him. He does not believe I deserve a dime of the life, and business we built together. It’s why he felt entitled to cheat, lie, and hide it all.
He refuses to give me the entire check.
He doesn’t care that our other boys need help meeting some of the expenses.
In some ways, I should be grateful.
It’s amazing that he’s been forced to contribute anything.
It’s a blessing in disguise that this tax refund has arrived. My ex-husband had also been shamed (months earlier) into contributing to the rehearsal dinner by a friend.
He should have.
Even I gave what I could to contribute to the rehearsal dinner.
Was I embarrassed exchanging those words at the bank?
No.
The employees at the bank know us. They have watched our financially abusive, overly long divorce play out. They see the bank balances. They watched my ex-husband transfer funds out of our business account.
They know our truth.
The only difference is…
I had it out with him in public for the first time since it began 11 years ago.
I have no regrets.
Because I wasn’t the one who lied, cheated, stole, and hid millions.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Viacheslav Bublyk on Unsplash
