I want to be Dick Van Dyke, aka, “Carratacus Potts.” And have a pretty girl. Pretty like Sally Ann Howes, aka, “Truly Scrumptious.” My girl’s name is different. (I will get around to a name).
I am African American. My name is Benjamin Banneker Shabazz, Esq. Very cool name. Very cool life. I am a renaissance man. One day, my children see this very special car about to be junked when we are out and they insist I buy it. But I am not rich.
I play the horn at night in blues clubs. I play piano in churches on Sunday. I do comedy at comedy cafes and write a blog where I earn money. But I am not good at most of this. My jokes are bad. No one makes money playing church music. And my horn? Oh, did I tell you, I sold it to pay bills.
But, I get lucky one night and win a writing contest I entered a long time ago, and I am able to save the car and so we go for a long ride. I fix the car up and it looks amazing now.
Me, my children, and then — my girl, are going for the ride of the century. I tell them a story while we ride. The fantasy begins. My car is a car. And a boat. And then, a plane. A flying machine.
But my car also has a drone. And GPS. And the Internet. I modernized my car. It is also now — electric, with solar panels. Small flat screens. Bluetooth.
But forget that. I tell my story.
I rescue some children. Some fool was kidnapping them using virtual reality games. It all goes back to some insecure dictator.
I expose that dictator. I use my car, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I also have a drone. (I mean I have to put a modern twist on this). And I use open-source intelligence.
I have a diverse cast of characters. And the music is Soul, Funk, Jazz, and Hip-Hop. Michael Franti and Spearhead can do the whole soundtrack for me. Lady Gaga. The 45 King doing some beats.
What do you think? A new version of “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.” Dick Van Dyke can have a cameo. Hey, Hollywood, you can thank me later.
Let Will Smith play the lead. Dave Chappelle can be the dude stealing the children with virtual reality. Eddie Murphy can be the King. Or, Grace Jones. An LGBTQ King, I mean Queen. Nevermind. George Clinton can be the grandfather. You know the story.
Thanks for reading.
Okay, here’s a crazy writing challenge. Pick a movie and plan a remake of it like I just did. There are no rules. You can make E.T. a hockey player if you want. The Godfather? Make Michael C, gay but far more violent. —
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This post was previously published on The Brain is a Noodle.
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