The answer to the question that had been smoldering around in my mind for the last two months was still uncertain.
Do I go to Arizona or do I stay?
Ever since I returned back to the Midwest from my Denver hiatus two years prior, I felt called to getting a bigger taste of the west.
My Denver Hiatus wasn’t my first rodeo out west. I lived in Las Vegas in 2018 while I was playing for the Las Vegas 51’s, our Triple-A team for the New York Mets. In the fall of 2017, I lived in Scottsdale while playing in the Arizona Fall League — a prestigious baseball league for prospects en route to the major leagues. In 2019, upon retiring from baseball, I visited a best buddy of mine in SoCal, where I was able to spend two weeks between San Diego, Los Angeles, and then a trip north out to Yosemite.
The dry climate, constant sunshine, and vast mountains acted like magnets to my mind. I loved these features of the west and wanted to experience more.
…
Ever since retiring from professional baseball in the fall of 2019, I had been bouncing through careers, going through trial and error, trying to find which one I wanted to stick with. I was stoked to try out other careers. The last 27 years of my life had always been baseball.
I knew I was blessed with a lot of gifts. I maintained a 3.5 GPA in college, and had many hobbies on the side including writing, exercising, yoga, and whatever else I could get my hands on that brought me excitement or inner peace. I just wasn’t quite sure what job I wanted to pursue for sharing my gifts.
I had already tried a few (Special Education paraprofessional, Baseball Coach, and Realtor) and found each job offered me a different kind of enjoyment.
…
To say baseball was a stressful career would be an understatement. Throughout my journey to the major leagues, I dealt with a lot of anxiety. It was the constant pressures of performing, the unstable lifestyle, and the resentment I couldn’t let go of with the father I loved that gave me so much stress.
Therapists, team sports psychologists, and life coaches were my saving grace during these trying times. They helped me to let go of the outside noise and hone in on my baseball craft allowing me to achieve the ultimate goal of playing in the Major Leagues.
Working with these professionals in the mental health realm, I was able to see the value in support along with having people in your life to encourage you through the tough times. The support and encouragement, as well as the experience I had working with people in this field planted an urge in my heart to give back in the same way.
…
I finally decided to go all in on getting my life coaching certification. I would obtain the certification by taking part in a week long life coaching course. There were so many different companies offering certification courses, but this one was offering a reasonable price. Plus I wanted to get certified as quickly as possible and not many companies were offering week long courses for the dates I desired.
The course condensed what was usually either a two-month or a six-month course into an extensive one week program. The days consisted of 10 hour days. In the morning, we would study the different skills for being a life coach along with the ethics part of it. Around the halfway point, we would break for lunch, and then fill the rest of the day with practice sessions.
Every practice session held tremendous value. It wasn’t every day you had a group of people who were open to diving deep into their life’s struggles. The practice sessions allowed you to take the skills you were in the process of learning and apply them into a real coaching session. It was a fast track for mastering the skill of holding space for someone else, as they dove into an area of their life they wanted to see growth in.
…
I fell in love with the sessions. It was so exciting to play the role of a space holder. It felt genuine to see someone work towards a goal as you helped them come up with their own answers for moving them to what’s next.
The best thing about these practice sessions was you were able to play the role as the coach, as well as play the role of the client getting coaching. The person playing the role of the one getting coached usually came into the practice session with a minor hurdle they were willing to be coached on or they would make something up for the sake of getting reps in for the practice session.
On the more rare and special occasions, they would come into the practice session with something real, something deep they wanted to work through and it was the coaches job to hold space for them to do so.
…
Fast forward to the fourth day of our five day extensive program, we were becoming experienced coaches with our coaching skillset in our back pocket. We were on track to becoming “Master” life coaches.
Towards the end of this fourth session, we were going to be having a practice session over a valuable skill. The technique for this skill was used as a tool for overcoming blocks in your mind.
The technique was called Voice Dialogue. The block we were trying to overcome via Voice Dialogue was caused by two conflicting parts inside a person, one telling them to go this way the other telling them to go that way.
Since this was a longer technique and required a little more expertise, our instructor, who was a very experienced life coach, would play the role of the coach and one of us would be the practice client.
…
Like mentioned earlier, it was around this time of taking the course when I was in the conflict of moving to Arizona or not. It had been on my mind for the last two months and I could not come up with an answer. So naturally, I thought to myself, “This is a perfect practice for this real life block I wanted to work through, these two conflicting parts.”
When the instructor asked for a volunteer, my hand shot up like a kid in 6th grade math. The digital hand at least, since the program was taking place via zoom.
Once the instructor picked me as the volunteer coaching client, it was time for me to dig into my uncertainties and come out with a clearer answer. I was excited since I would be doing this session with the instructor this time and not a peer. Nothing against the other peer coaches, but I was ready to take things deep and I wanted the most experienced to hold space for me to do so.
…
The session always started with taking three deep breaths to clear the mind. The clearer the mind, the deeper you can go.
When the mind clearing was done, it was time to start the session, and the questions begun….
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Coach: “What are the two parts of yourself that are in conflict?”
After taking a few seconds to think, I answered, “The part that wants to stay in the Midwest. This part is telling me to slow down and take advantage of the security here along with great opportunities and a feeling of being grounded. This part wants me to experience growth here and play the role of some of my younger past comforts, my younger self. The other part of me wants to fly and take a risk on something new in a new place, that new place being Arizona.”
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Coach: “What would you call these two parts?”
After a deep dive into my mind to think of perfect names to give these two parts, my answer, “Original for the one who wants to stay in the Midwest and take advantage of the security. Light will be the name of the one who wants to fly and take a risk on Arizona.”
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Coach: “What is your goal for this session?”
I respond, “To have a clearer answer on if I’m going to Arizona or not.”
…
Coach: “Give each part a voice and allow them to speak to you. What is each part saying to you now?”
This one took a little bit of time. I was doing my best to listen to what these parts wanted to tell me.
“Original is telling me to chill out. That I have been on the move for a long time with my baseball career and that I don’t need to go anywhere yet. I have time. Now is the time to settle for a couple years and build. Original wants me to take advantage of the opportunities. Original is also stressing the importance of being near to family and close friends. Original feels like I should take advantage of these things before up and dipping again. Light is telling me the opposite. Light is telling me I have all the time in the world to settle down, but now is not that time. Light is telling me I need to experience more growth and try new things and experience more places. It is saying there is no better time than now so take advantage of the open bedroom your friend is offering you for a low price in Chandler, Arizona and see what happens.”
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Coach: “What does Original need from Light and was does Light need from Original?
I imagine both of these parts having a conversation with the other and then I share, “Original needs Light to sacrifice being grounded for a couple years before flying again. Light needs Original to let go of some of its attachments and have faith in where it’s being called. Light needs Original to trust the calling.”
After the last 20 minutes of digging deep into these two parts, my coach took the time to summarize everything I said back to me. The summary felt like I was watching my conflict on a TV show. It was a pleasant experience to see it from the lens of someone else speaking it to me.
…
Coach: “Does that fit for you? Is there anything else you would like to add?”
After confirming everything was good to go, I told the coach there was nothing left to add.
…
Coach: “Now we’re going to help the parts to integrate. I’d like you to imagine one part is in one hand and the other part is in the other hand. I’d like you to think of an inanimate symbol for each, and when you see that, let me know….What do you see In each hand?”
I took some time to think about two objects that could represent these parts. I wanted something that was heavy and symbolized the younger leader in me to represent Original. As for Light, I wanted something that was…well….light, something that could fly through the air.
I respond with, “I see an 8 Ball in one hand representing Original and a Badminton Birdie in the other hand representing Light.”
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Coach: “Now I’d like you to experiment with what it would be like to have the two parts work together by touching your fingertips together. When you’re ready, put your hands into a prayer position so the fingertips are touching and allow the symbols to interact.”
…
Everything was silent now as I envisioned Original and Light, the 8 Ball and the Badminton Birdie coming together and interacting with one another.
At first, Original was stubborn and did not want anything to do with Light. Original, in the form of an 8 Ball wanted to roll away. He felt like Light (Badminton Birdie) never listened to him and just wanted to do what was best for him. Light kept on trying to convince Original leaving was the best and highest thing to do. Original wasn’t having it, but as they continued to interact, something miraculous happened. Original stopped trying to roll away. Light had apologized and convinced 8 Ball he never wanted him to feel neglected. He just wanted what was best for the both of them.
After about three minutes of watching the 8 Ball and the Badminton butt heads with one another in my hands, 8 Ball rolled into the little pouch of the Badminton Birdie, and the two started spinning together. They started spinning so fast, 8 Ball tucked into the birdie. Finally, the they took off and flew away together.
…
Imagining the two flying away together, I understood Original just needed to be heard, needed to be felt. This was symbolic for my younger self, the one who craved comfort and avoided change, that it was okay to let go. It also showed my younger self that my evolved risk taking self wasn’t running from him or trying to be someone else. As a whole with many parts involved, we were our younger self along with us and growing together and this made him feel acknowledged and important.
Original would always be there, we were just adding on to him. Original wanted Light to acknowledge him when he said I’m here too, my opinion matters as well. When Light finally understood this, they became the team they always wanted to. They spun so fast and flew off together, nothing could stop them. A new endeavor they would embark on.
One month later, I drove to Arizona!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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