I Spent the Last Decade Practicing Calm With My Kids

I spent the last decade creating a calm vibe with my kids.

That meant rebooting my inner monologue and thought patterns to dial down antagonistic triggers and reactions. You know, words that self-sabotage.

Now my headlines lack punch.

…

30 days and 44 articles on Medium. In my home, it looks like me putting in a as-focused-as-possible one to two hours every 11.30 a.m., while my toddler plays beside me. The bigger ones play more independently, but how much louder do they yell/shout/fight/. We need to reduce the echo in this house. How can I get a hardwired connection outdoors? My questions along with my typing. The trade-off.

I keep calm. So their play will flow on. So my writing can go on.

It was the keynote practice of my becoming a parent.

No more:

Why the HECK do YOU xyc.

STOP being ANNOYING.

Are you being dumb?

And worse,

This BROKE me.

That creates massive anxiety to the broader shoulders of the household, too. I realised.

Rather:

Let’s see/try this.

Would you rather ABC.

This is perfect for me.

I felt better being the centre of my self, rather than the multiple identities used in the external world, external roles. Writing with flair. Go-getting to gain interest, pitches, headlines, etc.

If I’m going to write, it’ll have to be what sustained me and continues to inspire me forward.

Podcasts were the feature of my parenting life — and I listened to hours, days’ worth of health. My health food health, home health. Physical health. Mental health. Spiritual health. Yea, Marie Kondo featured.

So I poured my heart (or mind) out and sent off this piece.

Doubt grew its web — is my decision to stick with energetic astrology a mistake? Is Marie Kondo a silly trope by now?

I noticed capitlisemytitle has a blog on power words, which is the only tool online I use to edit. I was trained to use various style formats, but mom brain means I make more errors than usual.

Writing is my brain-cercise, and I do it wild, no AI tools.

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Power words are certain words used by marketers and copywriters that have been shown to evoke an emotional response from people.

Yea, moms and dads, wives and husbands know this!

The emotions listed were:

anger. I release all anger.
curiosity. OK, this is helpful life skills.
exclamatory. I’ve tended not to the hype parent.
lust. Mm.
pride. Let’s see/try another way.
trust. Why are the words for trust the opposite?
vanity. That’s very nice.

Hang on. Is calm not an emotion?

Instinctively, I knew there were piles of power words in me somewhere. It’s what I used to create a brand new life with a family with kids, dropping old habits, surviving gruelling startup life, moving to a foreign country, lock-down times.

The biggest proof for me was birthing all my children on my own terms.

I used the same hypnobirthing tracks since I gave birth to my first baby in a waterbirth a decade ago. The lines in my head sounded like:

My body knows how to give birth. My body is powerful.

I am a powerful woman. I am so grateful and inspired by the many women who have given birth before me.

I am doing an amazing job. I am releasing any negative thoughts.

My baby is ready to be born. I am allowing my body to do what it knows how to do.

I’m counting the power words.

To me, it was every single word in there. They kept me on the right path while pregnant and I clung to every word in labour. I’ll tell you this another day, if you’d like to hear.

This piece was supposed to be about the headline.

Now it’s about me. Talk about getting entangled.

This piece was just published last night. This morning, I cringed at the title and edited it.

So my problem isn’t for lack of power.

Certainly not with my children. Because I’ve flared and used more powerful yells in these 30 days than for a long time. Ouch.

Finding my writing feet. Mama and papa bear growls are powerful. But not in the right direction.

My problem is with tone, clarity, and intent.

The one-inch punch.

I think I’ll try this with my children first, as they threaten to kill one another right now. Signing off.

…

Thank you for reading.

Here’s the original article that got me thinking about power calm, if there’s such a thing.