A tale of desired enhancement … somewhere below the belt.
Let me tell you about my friend Roger. He was hardly a close friend, just the spouse of someone my wife had known for many years. We’d never had much to say to one another, he and I; our wives were the ones who mainly communicated. But one day we happened to be in a bookstore, the four of us, and the guy suddenly turned to me and, out of earshot of his wife, said, “I wish I could add another inch or two. You know.”
I didn’t know, and I guess I was kind of shocked. Roger was considerably older than the rest of us, having recently celebrated his 80th birthday. He was an attractive man who always seemed boyishly self-confident. And I assumed—wrongly, I guess—that by the time a man like Roger had reached a point in, shall we say, late maturity, he had made peace with himself and felt reasonably comfortable in his own skin. Not necessarily so, it seems.
Many years earlier, when I joined a health club near my office, I was aware that among the regulars was a coterie of “actors”—maybe they were models or just wannabes, I was never quite sure. One of them—I think his name was Tony—seemed to enjoy parading around the locker room and in and out of the steam room and sauna naked. He was slight but not skinny, with a face having no strongly compelling features. What set him apart from all of the others was his junk. He was enormously hung.
Other men obviously noticed him—he seemed to dare them not to—but most fellow gym-goers looked the other way, even though it became pretty obvious that the man wanted to be noticed and looked at. And maybe he wanted more.
Among the locker-room attendants, a cynical lot, it was said that Tony was not really an actor but a hired boy, someone who used the health club as a way to attract business. I heard whispers to that effect, and at the time it did seem plausible.
Then one day, when I hit the gym early, I heard Tony talking to a couple of other so-called actors. It seemed that he’d made a few connections in recent days—men who had taken him out for a drink or a meal, each seeking information, not sex. “This happens all the time,” I heard him say.
“They asked me how I got so big,” he said. “I didn’t know what to say.”
I tried to keep a straight face as I did my curls and leg raises that day and busied myself on the elliptical machine. For here was a guy whom nature had endowed over-generously—a guy whose naked presence might have been formidable enough to scare off a lot of women but whom other men envied seriously.
I looked around. A lot of the men coming in to work out were regulars, all pretty beefy and well put-together. Among them, I knew, were guys who desired—more than anything—to be like Tony and somehow add an inch or two more.
That experience, which has obviously stayed with me a long, long time, summoned up my memory of Shakespeare’s elfin Puck, who at a critical moment in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” was made to utter, “What fools these mortals be!”
—Photo tachyondecay/Flickr
Call it whatever you want, when a medical means is found to add some inches, the surgery will be as common as breast enhancement. That’s an easy predication.
The Procedure already exists – it involves releasing the suspensory ligaments that attach the penis to the under surface of the pubic bone. Gain 0.5 to 2 inches depending upon anatomy. Shaved or cropped pubic hair also works wonders. P^) Men see the Penis as external, but in fact there is quite a bit that is internal too. The procedure basically allows the external to move forward and out. The only draw back is that the Sergeant Major does not end up saluting at 1 O’clock but is more likely to salute at 2.30 or 3 O’clock! For men who… Read more »
I doubt that either are a very preferred option.
The titles of this article totally threw me off.
I thought it was going to talk about how to look a little taller.
David – it’s your mathematical mind showing through! Your thinking “Y” when the author is dealing in “Z”! P^)
DB — OMG, that made me laugh. Loudly.
Dear MediaHound: I don’t know that “most guy end up being happy with the Family Compact they have,” but I do believe that grown men ultimately come to terms with whatever they have…or feel they lack. This doesn’t rule out the fact that a great many of them—mature, married or otherwise connected—continue to harbor fantasies and, deep down inside, still sustain some degree of penis envy. I’m afraid it’s in all of us.
Mervyn
“I’m afraid it’s in all of us.”. – in future could you write that as “I’m afraid it’s in all of us -1.”?
Maybe I’m an odd ball – but I’m so happy with me John Thomas and don’t envy any other chaps Todger on any grounds. I may be surprised and even impressed by Crown Jewels that are more impressive as to mass and dimensions, but that does not mean envy – just wondering if the driver has the relevant off road experience for a comfortable ride. P^)
Being Gay I have had the opportunity to not just talk about the size of the latest .. er.. Hummer – I have also been able to test drive. P^) Guys often like the Idea of a bigger stick shift, but in reality they do prefer the Automatic Transmission they have been driving since High School. I did have one colleague, known as Donkey for obvious reasons, who at 28 was to all intense and purposes still a virgin. He was able to talk to me about it, and was actually seeking “reduction surgery” so that he could become normal.… Read more »
One of my best friends growing up was “well endowed” . Back in our youth (Just out of high school) he had more women than he knew what to do with. Our age , younger ,and older. They all wanted to “try him on for size. Funny thing is, he never persued any of them. They chased after him. Sometimes stalking him to the point that they made him a little nervous. (I mean, we coached a Little Leauge team togeather, and they would track him down at the baseball field!) By the time I got married, my wife would… Read more »
Nice article.
I’m quite “well endowed”, but girls never chased me. 🙁
Maybe I should have had a marketing campaign! 😀
Actually, some women were scared by my tool, and some even had a little trouble at the beginning.
A minority of my girlfriends were – instead – happy about the “abundance”. 😉
So, having that size is not always a blessing.