I Wonder if They Made It

I once sat next table to a couple at one of those brightly lit, slightly too loud restaurants somewhere in middle America.

She looked like she walked straight out of a romcom set: flawless, quick wit, perfect hair, and all; and on her finger was what looked like a diamond the size of a small walnut. He, on the other hand, was in cargo shorts, a faded band t-shirt, and… Crocs.

His slow, deliberate sentences revolved around some obscure, boring topic, I was sure, from the look on her face.

The contrast was so jarring it could very well have been felt scripted, and the movie in my head was telling me: she is an architect, he is a DJ, now cue the dramatic restaurant argument and airport chase scene.

Back to reality, however, there was no drama, no swelling music, and no big argument/speech. They didn’t complete each other; they even looked a little weird, but they were real.

I wonder if they made it.

“They didn’t complete each other, they even looked a little weird, but they were real.”

Hollywood has tricked us

We are conditioned to look for fireworks and drama while overlooking the much less dramatic, mismatched connections that actually do survive. The movies teach us to chase magic, but the wrong kind.

If real relationships worked the way Hollywood rom-coms do, half of us would be married to the person we chased through an airport who, miraculously, didn’t press charges. Movies, however, aren’t built for reality, they are built for ninety minutes of drama and a happy ending crafted to keep you buying popcorn.

In the process, they have been subtly teaching us the worst relationship lessons imaginable:

1. Instant chemistry and intensity (The beginning)
Love at first sight is when you supposedly experience this explosive chemistry, where the passion that never cools and every glance is another spark. The reality, however, is that it is not love but most definitely your brain chemicals messing with you.

Real love, I can tell you, is less explosive fireworks and more like slow burn, growing out of real friendship, respect, and a hundred small deliberate choices you make to stick around after the chemically induced rush subsides.

2. The lack of healthy communication (Conflict)
Your favorite romcom likely included a fight caused by one thing nobody bothers to really talk about. Then magically, a two-minute monologue fixes all the damage when, in reality, couples don’t survive on grand speeches.

We survive on “boring” conversations about feelings, finances, family drama, and who likes hogging the blanket. You know, all that mundane stuff. Real-life meaningful communication may not be sexy, but without it, believe me, you are done.

3. Romanticizing toxic behavior (The chase)
The problem here is the movies love to glorify the relentless pursuit of an uninterested/unwilling, potential partner: showing up uninvited, pestering, chasing them through an airport (this again), or interrupting their wedding to gain that soulmate status.

If you try that in real life, you will be one restraining order away from a court date, because healthy love, on the other hand, means respecting boundaries and recognizing when no really does mean no, not chase me harder.

“Real life meaningful communication may not be sexy but without it, believe me, you are done.”

4. The you complete me myth (The philosophy)
Here, Hollywood claims you are only half a person until “the one” shows up (cue dramatic music), and just like that, you are now complete. The reality is, however, if you really are only half a person, what you need is a therapist, not a soulmate.

Relationships work best when two whole people choose to build something together, and expecting someone else to fix your emptiness is a recipe for disaster.

“ If you really are only half a person, what you need is a therapist, not a soulmate.”

5. The myth of the happily ever after (The ending)
Finally, the biggest problem: When the movie ends, the second they kiss, we are led to believe that the passion alone guarantees a lifetime of bliss. However, more and more people are finding out that in real life, that is when the work actually begins.

In that sense, marriage is actually more like the raw director’s cut: bills, in-laws, dirty laundry, dishes, kids, and the unending test of your patience. Love simply isn’t found once but chosen every single day.

“However, more and more people are finding out that in real life that is when the work actually begins.”

The real story

When I think back to that couple in the restaurant (she looked like a movie star, he looked like he just wandered in from the street), I think to myself that perhaps none of that really mattered. No fireworks or violins necessary. Just a guy in yellow Crocs wiping sauce smudges off the woman he loved.

What Hollywood sells us is only the fantasy of falling in love. Real life, on the other hand, is not always so glamorous and can sometimes even be described as a sometimes boring grind of staying in love. This is a good thing, because real love isn’t meant to be some entertaining performance, but a partnership built to last.