If He Didn’t Text You Back, He Probably Doesn’t Care About You

When I was seventeen, I spent a painfully long time mooning over a boy who didn’t like me. But he paid me enough attention to keep me on the hook for a while. Reader, I’m talking close to a year.

I really thought if I was just cool enough, if I waited long enough to text him back, if I could make him jealous, then he’d wake up one day and ask me out. He never did.

I wish! I wish I’d known then that he didn’t really have a crush on me, and he never would. I wasted so much time and emotional energy trying to become the kind of person he would like.

A few months later, I met my now-husband. It was so much easier. He texted back immediately. He told me he liked me. He asked me out as soon as he could.

After a green-card marriage a few years ago, we’re getting married properly this summer. Amidst all the planning, I remembered that boy I spent so long dreaming about. It made me realize how much I’ve grown and changed as a person since then — not just in the romance/relationships area of my life, but in a lot of ways. I’m happier in my body. I’m more confident in my friendships. I know more about money.

The hard thing about getting older is you look back and realize all the things you’d do differently if you could.

The good thing about getting older is you look forward and realize what you can do differently in the future.

Here are seventeen things I wish I’d known at seventeen — and that I am taking with me into the years to come.

Self

Embrace who you are, even the annoying bits. If you keep carving away parts of yourself you worry other people don’t like, you won’t end up with much left.
Stop wasting time imagining what people say about you behind your back. It’s just pointless torture!
Don’t be embarrassed about the things you like. Be loud, exuberant, and joyful in your love for your hobbies, pets, and quirks. Your people will find you!
You always have a choice regarding what to do with your time. Think about what you want to be able to do in a year. You can watch Netflix or play video games if you want. But that’s an active choice! You can read a book in Spanish, go for a run, call your mom, work on that painting.
Be creative. As in, create stuff. Physical stuff. Paint, felt, embroider, craft, build. It is so satisfying to fill your home with things you made and love.

Author’s artwork

Relationships

6. Make an effort to stay in touch with the people who matter to you. Friends, siblings, overseas relatives. You might have the be the one to reach out most of the time, but that’s OK.

7. If a boy is playing games with you, that doesn’t mean you have a chance — if you just play his game right. It means he’s playing games with you because he can. Don’t waste your time on him.

8. If a boy is not playing games with you, don’t play games with him. Recognize a good thing when you see it. (I did thankfully, and I’m marrying him in May!)

9. Don’t wait to text back. If a man is turned off because you like him too much, he is not the man for you.

10. Your friends will find you annoying sometimes. You will find your friends annoying sometimes. You will all still love each other.

Author fulfilling her love of roller skating.

Wealth

11. Buy back your time. And then use that time doing something actively fun!

12. There’s such a thing as being too frugal. Don’t waste money, but don’t be afraid to splurge on things that make you or your loved ones happy.

13. Invest as much as you can in an index fund. This is boring, standard, useful advice. Don’t ignore it.

Career

14. Start writing! Now! I mean it! You want to write, so write! Don’t wait for inspiration to strike. Don’t wait for the right moment. Don’t wait to find the time. Start a blog, open a Word doc, anything.

15. Sometimes it’s not imposter syndrome. Sometimes you just suck at it. That’s OK, move on and find a job where you’ll shine.

16. Apply to jobs you like. Even if you don’t think you’re qualified, apply with your best pitch as to why you think you’re a good fit. The worst thing they can do is say no.