What’s one of the most attractive qualities in a man?
It doesn’t matter if it’s in the context of dating, career goals, fitness/health, or other areas of his personal life — a man who does things with intention is a winner.
As women, we are naturally inclined to seek clarity and commitment in our relationships. When a man provides this, it’s a breath of fresh air.
I cannot advise women enough how important it is to find a man who pursues you with clarity.
Far too often, women settle for ambiguous pseudo-relationships.
These are the relationships where you’re kind of dating, but he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend. Maybe he says he likes you but isn’t “ready” for any type of commitment. Or maybe he’s even kissed you and taken you on dates but insists that you’re nothing more than friends.
These situations only happen because neither person cares enough (or is brave enough) to establish clarity around their relationship status.
Generally, this happens when one person wants commitment but the other person isn’t eager to commit.
A lot of the time, this happens because we assume that asking for a “yes or no” will only turn out a “maybe.”
This isn’t necessarily gendered, either.
Don’t get me wrong — women can be just as confusing as men are.
There are women who enjoy the attention a man offers but doesn’t want anything more than that. She may go out on dates and enjoy free dinners, but then turns around and claims that it’s just a friendship and she should be free to date other people.
Either way, the one question nobody should ever have to ask the other is this:
“What are we?”
When you are in a relationship that is going somewhere, you will never have to beg or plead to get clarity. It will be abundantly clear on both sides that you want to be in a relationship (or that you don’t).
There are no grey areas when it comes to commitment. Either you are, or you aren’t.
There is nothing wrong with having a conversation to establish your relationship status.
The real problem with the “what are we?” question is that it often happens more than once.
When you first begin dating someone new, you don’t want to rush into a commitment before you get a sense of whether or not it could work out. But you shouldn’t exist in a perpetual state of confusion for an unspecified amount of time.
It’s like relationship purgatory with no end in sight.
The problem is, when the question appears in the form of “what are we,” it tends to come from a place of lingering confusion. It comes from several weeks or months of toggling back and forth between friendship and something more.
“What are we?” screams insecurity. It often implies frustration, confusion, and demand for clarity. (Which may very well be justified, but still comes across in a negative light.)
There are better ways to establish that you’re on the same page about your relationship status. Like, “what are your intentions in getting to know me?” or “are you looking for a committed relationship right now?”
However, in most cases, a man who truly wants to take you off the market will not leave you guessing or confused. He will make it clear what his intentions are and apparent that he wants to be with you.
In summary — if you remain confused for an extended amount of time, they are not the person for you.
The person for you will make it unequivocally clear that they want you. It won’t be a guessing game or an ambiguous “situationship”.
If he is the right guy for you, you won’t ever have to ask, “what are we?”
He will make it clear that he wants to be in a committed relationship.
You’ll both know that you want to be together. You’ll both care enough to establish clarity and intentionality within your relationship.
And everything will fall into place.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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