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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
The Intentions in Online Dating
If you met someone in a coffee shop and they said, “Why don’t we meet for coffee sometime?” you wouldn’t, in your first few text exchanges, ask them what their intentions are. That’s a great point! However, when it comes to online dating, we often take a much more ruthless approach, insisting on knowing someone’s intentions before even having a conversation.
Welcome back to the podcast, everyone! This is Love Life with Matthew Hussey. I’m joined today by Steven Hussey and Audrey Hussey, and we’re excited to talk with you.
If you haven’t already, head over to askmh.com and ask the question you would want to pose if I were in the room with you right now. You’ll get a specific answer tailored to your situation from our newest development, Matthew AI.
You can text it or call it, and if you call, you’ll literally hear my voice responding as if we were on a phone call together. It’s not a generic answer—it’s pulled from everything I’ve discussed over my 17 years of experience, which is why the answers are so accurate and in-depth.
You can interact with Matthew AI in various ways, so go play with it! That’s my challenge to you. I think you’ll really enjoy today’s episode because we’ll be discussing a confusing issue that often comes up on dating apps and how it can make you question whether to invest time in someone.
Listener Question: The “See Where It Goes” Guy
This question comes from Katie. She shares, “I started dating casually this year but quickly figured out that I wanted something more serious. Since then, I’ve been more intentional about my dating goals. For example, I swipe left immediately when someone says they are looking for something casual. However, I wonder about the ‘I’m open to seeing where things go’ guy. Often, when I share my intentions for dating, I get responses like, ‘Well, if the right girl came along, I’d totally be open to seeing where it goes.’
“I find myself unsure about dating people with this kind of goal, as it feels like it creates a power imbalance. It puts pressure on me to be the ‘right girl’ instead of two people wanting the same thing. When dating for something serious and long-term, should I bother dating these men, or is it a recipe for disaster?”
Katie, first off, I love how you describe this genre of men as the “I’m open to seeing where things go” type. It’s quite common, and your instincts are spot on. That type of answer is often a weak one.
When someone says, “If I met the right girl,” it sounds hopeful on the surface, but it leaves a lot to be desired. Ideally, a person who wants a relationship would clearly say something like, “If I find the right person, I’d love to be in a committed relationship.”
Instead, this type of statement implies, “It’s still not a sure thing.” That is a lot of pressure for you. In essence, it feels like you have to convince them to want a relationship with you, which is a big difference from simply enjoying each other’s company.
Being in the role of the convincer can create a power imbalance. Many people fall into this trap: they find someone they like who has 95% of what they want but need to be convinced about that pesky 5%. That might seem small, but it’s actually significant. You don’t want to settle for someone who requires convincing to pursue a relationship.
The Importance of the Initial Conversation
It might be premature to ask about intentions over a dating app before you’ve even gone on a date. You should certainly state what you’re looking for, but attempting to screen someone before a single meeting can create unnecessary pressure. It keeps you from enjoying the natural flow of conversation that happens when getting to know someone.
On a date, you can gauge chemistry and have meaningful discussions about goals. There’s wisdom in understanding that a date is a low-risk situation in the grand scheme of your time and energy.
You can learn a lot about someone during a date if you ask thoughtful questions. You can still have boundaries without needing to interrogate someone about their intentions immediately.
When you’re getting to know someone, the conversation can include discussing what they find exciting in their life, their feelings about relationships, and how they see their future.
Remember, you’re allowed to share what excites you as well. You can start by discussing your life as a single person, highlighting independence, your connections to friends, and your passions.
For instance, say something like, “I enjoy being single and have structured my life to embrace that. However, I also value connection and the idea of a meaningful relationship. I’m excited about the prospect of finding a partner who complements my life.”
This framing will help you see what resonates with them.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
If someone talks for ten minutes about their career with no mention of a relationship, that tells you something about their priorities. Confusion is often an answer in itself.
It’s important to focus on how they perceive their future and their experiences with past relationships. Achieving clarity on their priorities will help determine whether you want to invest your time in pursuing anything further.
Katie, I hope this discussion has been helpful. Thank you for sending in your question, and thank you all for the great insights.
If you have questions, don’t hesitate to reach out to [email protected].
What should the subject line be for these emails?
How about “Open to Seeing Where Things Go Guy”?
Everyone, thank you for your attention! Don’t forget to check out Matthew AI for personalized advice and information. Go to askmh.com to try it out now. We look forward to seeing you next time. Be well, friends, and love life!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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