You see it all the time, inspirational quotes by inspirational figures: it could be Jobs, Branson, Brady, Winfrey, Ferguson, Sugar, Brady: the same messages are repeated over and over again.
NEVER GIVE UP? (What, never? What about if it’s smart to give up? And sometimes, it’s by ditching what we’re currently doing, that space is created to try something new and maybe that something new, could be the once-in-a-lifetime lightbulb moment.)
FIND YOUR PASSIONS AND FOLLOW THEM: DON’T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS? (Fair enough, although easier said than done and finding your passion is a process often helped by maturity. The only problem is that maturity is a slow process and we generally don’t like ‘slow’ in our modern world)
IF YOU BELIEVE … YOU’LL BE UNSTOPPABLE? (Is this the most incomplete statement ever made? What about graft, reflection, coachability and the quality of your supporting team? Belief alone won’t get you very far!)
DON’T LET THE CRITICS STOP YOU: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND JUST DO IT? (Hmm, let’s unpack this one … hint … read on!)
What if the critics are right?
Often, the most painful feedback you receive is actually the most helpful feedback you could ever receive. Sometimes your critics are a little harsh, but within their harshness are important truths to take on board so you can improve and grow. Some critics really do have your best interests at heart so rather than ignore or embrace the critics, let’s change the wording.
For the best results in life, learn to PROCESS criticism: this involves looking at the criticism from 4 key angles!
1. Is the criticism specific?
If someone on Amazon posts a 1-star review for your recently published book and comments that it’s utter sh*t, but there are no specifics, then the criticism is pointless and should be ignored. Clearly the person making the comment is having a bad day and wants to take it out on you. Maybe you remind him of his ex-wife for some reason?
But if the person leaving the 1-star review says your book is utter sh*t BECAUSE … then focus only on the specifics. Ignore the bit about ‘sh*t’ because this comment alone tells you nothing.
I once received feedback following a workshop I delivered early on in my career, where one of my delegates was on a mission to bring me down afterward. I’d touched on some raw nerves regarding resilience and relationships during the workshop, but actually, within her angry rhetoric, she had one or two useful points which were painful to hear, but which were valid enough and which I took on board. I became a better facilitator because of her comments, even though it was unlikely that her agenda was about turning me into a better facilitator.
2. Is the criticism invited?
If you’ve invited it, however tough it may be to hear, you must attempt to feel grateful that the other person has taken the time and shown the courage to feedback to you.
My ex-girlfriend once wrote a book and asked a good friend for feedback. He thought it was an awful book and not ready to be published.
He’d taken some time to read the book and process his thoughts before feeding back to her with what he thought. There were plenty of specifics! Ouch … it put quite a strain on their friendship!
Don’t cower like a frightened cat, or charge like an angry hippo if the feedback you receive is negative but you invited it in the first place.
Take it on the chin and wrestle with it. In the end, you don’t have to accept it or embrace it if it’s negative, but if you invited it, you owe it to that person to reflect on it,
3. Who is giving it?
Do you respect their opinion? People like to weigh in with their opinions and in the age of social media, everyone wants a say on everything! The keyword for whether to make a comment on board is respect.
I personally pay more attention to the feedback from people I respect and the word RESPECT is crucial. If it’s people you like and they like you, the warm feelings of rapport will influence how they feel about you and they’re likely to rate anything you create/deliver in line with how they feel about you. Let me say this again, the keyword is RESPECT!
4. Is it a lone voice?
If 50 people review your book on Amazon, they’ve never met you before and 30 of them give it a 2-star rating and disappointing feedback, then the weight of opinion is against you and you would be advised to take note of that feedback. However, if from those 50 people, 5 people give your book a 1-star review and absolutely slate it, whilst the other 45 other people give it a 5-star review, then the weight of opinion is on your side and I wouldn’t worry too much about what the 1-star reviews say, even if there are specifics within their comments.
Conclusion:
Criticism is a necessary part of moving forward, of growing and learning. Genuine feedback will not always be a walk in the park, a garden of roses, sweetness and butterflies or spring lambs in sunny fields. Sometimes it will be tough and it will weigh you down. Open your heart, open your mind and know that excellence is only created by following a 3-step process again and again and again:
FAIL — RATIONAL REFLECTION — IMPROVE
FAIL — RATIONAL REFLECTION — IMPROVE
FAIL — RATIONAL REFLECTION — IMPROVE
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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