Question: I am ready to start over – finally! I have been divorced for 3 years and it took a long time to get here. I just don’t know where to start.
Answer: Congratulations! I honor you for doing the work you’ve done to be ready to start over!
Where to start? We could talk for an hour about this!
I would recommend that you get clear on the qualities you desire in a man, in a relationship, in a lifestyle. Also get clear on what you provide your man, your gifts, your strengths, your unique yumminess. Often we think that part of our life is a turn off or weakness, for example I’m a single mom and right now I have my son Wednesdays and every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends. On the one hand, I could be afraid that he thinks I’m a bad mom or if he has kids, that our schedules aren’t aligned… yet on the other hand, he may LOVE that I have that schedule providing more time for us to cultivate a strong foundation. There is someone PERFECTLY suited to exactly who you are and how your life is… promise.
I would also recommend making space for him in your life. Go out more even if it’s initially with girlfriends or even alone, so you get in the practice of making time to date and enjoy getting to know men until you find one you particularly fancy! Go through your wardrobe and really ask, What do I look fabulous in? What clothes say, I am hiding and healing from my divorce? I remember giving away all these ‘flowing loose” clothes that didn’t show off my body, because I wasn’t ready for attention yet.
Lastly trust your gut instincts on how you’d like to meet him, how the Universe is bringing him to you… yet also be willing to live outside the box, stretch yourself, be willing to be surprised. By this I mean you may want to hire a dating coach or matchmaker and not be interested in the online world… yet taking the time to write a killer profile and take some hot shots of yourself could very well lead you to him… be willing to be pleasantly surprised while still being true to you. A balancing act… yet that’s life… we show up to do our best, and yet we’re totally out of control, yes?
Oh, one more thing. I know you know this. Yet it’s a good reminder. You can’t WANT him and HAVE him at the same time. Do some powerful release work to let go of wanting him, so you aren’t needy on your dates and can be the invitational feminine glorious space to have him. And if that’s proving to be difficult, then I would LOVE to guide you to attract that amazing man with a series of coaching sessions so that all blind spots are dissolved and you are the most irresistible energetic force of nature possible… so he can’t miss your radiance no matter what!
Sending you huge love and joy for this delicious adventure,
A version of this post was previously published on Allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: Istockphoto.com