I’m Sick of Hearing These Dumb Dating Tips That Don’t Actually Work

 

Mainstream dating advice is mostly terrible.

I’ve already explained why most media companies don’t reveal what actually works to attract women. Well, a lot of advice for attracting men is trash too.

Below, you’ll find 8 woeful pieces of dating advice that are still forced down our throats by the media all the time.

…

1. Your true love is coming. You just have to be patient.

This is a feel-good myth, spread by countless movies and TV shows where the ‘average guy’ gets the girl.

Usually, he wins her heart without any notable self-improvement just by showing how much he loves her.

There are movies where trainwreck women find true love despite all their red flags too. Their dream man just happens to love them for who they are.

In defence of these cheesy rom-coms, at least they force their protagonists to pursue love.

The idea that your true love is coming suggests that you don’t have to do anything to make it happen. That’s BS.

If you sit on the sofa playing video games every day, it’ll be tougher to find love.

You need to put yourself out there. You need to improve yourself to become attractive. You need to become the best version of yourself.

…

2. Your soulmate is waiting for you

The idea of soulmates has spiritual origins. I’m open-minded to this type of belief. But it’s unhelpful if you want to be happy in love.

For starters, you need to forget the idea that your partner will be your ‘perfect match’. Every single person you date will be flawed in some way.

You will have disagreements and frustrations in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on your partner. Happy couples work through their problems together.

You also need to stop believing that there’s ‘one person out there for everyone’.

This idea makes people act crazy and stupid when they think they’ve found ‘The One’. It causes them to lose their mind when that person rejects or breaks up with them.

In reality, if you’re an attractive person (both physically and emotionally), there are lots of people you could eventually settle into a life-long relationship with.

So, there’s no need to go bananas when you develop a strong connection with one person.

…

3. Just be yourself

This piece of advice isn’t fully formed.

Yes, it’s bad to pretend to be someone else when you’re dating. You ultimately want to find someone who loves you for you, right?

As such, you’re better off treating your romantic interests the same way you would anyone else. Just be yourself is good advice in that sense.

However, it’s bad advice if you have no manners and a short temper. It’s also bad advice if you’re a pessimistic snob who doesn’t like meeting new people. You get the idea.

I prefer to tell people to be their best selves.

…

4. Play ‘hard to get’

I understand the psychology that people want what they can’t have. It’s true that people value what they have to work for. It’s undeniable that coming on too strong can scare people away.

Still, both sexes find it incredibly frustrating when their romantic interest plays ‘hard to get’.

When someone is truly high-value and confident in themselves, they don’t see a need to play romantic mind games.

When we catch the other person playing these games, we usually think less of them for wasting our time. So, be the change you want to see in the world.

It’s better advice to be hard to get.

Instead of throwing ‘negs’ or ‘disqualifiers’ at your romantic prospects, have actual high standards for who you’ll date. Instead of waiting for hours to reply to their texts, be so busy that you actually don’t check your phone for hours.

That way, you can be genuine in your interactions without ever coming off as too desperate.

…

5. Wait three days to call

The ‘3-day rule’ originates from a string of old-school romantic comedies. It suggests you should wait three days to call someone after a date, so as not to appear too eager. More mind games, then.

That advice might have been OK back in the nineties when these sitcoms first aired, but the speed of dating has changed.

We’re all constantly connected to our smartphones now, plus we know our partners are too. What’s more, with the evolution of social media and dating apps, attractive people can be flooded with new romantic offers in 72 hours.

So, rather than staying silent and leaving them guessing, send a quick text to say you had a good time. It takes a few seconds and inspires them to keep their focus on you.

…

6. Be a gentleman

Another idea that isn’t fully formed.

Of course, women like to be treated with respect and chivalry. But they don’t want you to just be a gentleman.

This is too predictable.

Women love the ups and downs of a budding romance. They love when men push all their emotional buttons.

They want a kind guy, but also one who sometimes excites, intimidates or worries them. The more emotions, the better. These are the men who become truly addictive.

You can learn more about this idea in my guide on how to create an emotional impact.

…

7. If he can’t accept you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best

Unhinged women use this Marilyn Monroe quote as a reason to take no accountability for their actions.

You should always attempt to be at your best for your partner!

Guys, if you see this quote in a woman’s Tinder bio, swipe left and do your best to avoid her in the real world too.

…

8. They got married and lived happily ever after

This happened at the end of every fairytale I ever consumed. The underlying message is that all your problems disappear once you tie the knot.

In reality, spouses still deal with all types of struggles, not least the ‘spark’ disappearing from their relationship because they’ve been together for so long.

If you want a successful long-term relationship, keep making the effort to impress your partner, rather than assuming they’ll remain besotted until death do you part.

An amazing fairytale wedding doesn’t create an amazing fairytale marriage. There’s still work to do.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***